Besides the every day thought of if this is ever going to happen I have had other random thoughts.
Today is CD7 day four on clomid, my emotions are not in check the last day or so. I have been melo, laughing, frustrated, angry (may of gotten in a fight with a baby gate cuz it wasn’t where it was supposed to be thus it got in my way), yelliNg, high blood pressure, strange dreams, woke up thinking negative thoughts, but now after a failed atempt of calming my thought I will hopefully type it all out of my head.
Part of me wonders if I have endometriosis? I have thought I may have it since I was in high school. I have such painful periods with heavy clothing bleeding. The pain is so strong my parents would give me some of there prescription strength meds to help me function on the first three days of my period. In high school and college if I didn’t take strong medications I couldnt attend class, I couldnt eat, I could barely get out of bed.
Really I just think my fears are getting the best of me. With each BFN HPT I start to think why???? Is there more wrong with me besides my PCOS, are we going to make a baby? I keep trying to tell myself to stop thinking about the wanting of a child to love. I worry that I want it too much. Hubby and myself have some much love to share that I think we might be driving ourselves stir crazy. Or at least it is for me!
Where do I go from here…. Today i am going to take it one step at a time, first breakfast maybe some quilting after that? Oh and I guess the fur babies would like to be feed too.
So here I go one foot in front of the other.
- A reflection of our TTC journey (2) (mybubjourney.wordpress.com)