fear fights with my inner strength

Today is 14dpo (first pos OPK) and 13DP trigger shot and 12 pas IUI#3, that is a mouth full.

I am struggling with anxiety/ fear/relaxing  and staying strong with my inner strength. I know once its determined that this cycle is going to come to an end i will morn, then move on but until then i am a internal basket case. I am trying not to be excited that this cycle could be ‘THE CYCLE” because i don’t want the big let down. I am also trying to relax and let what will be will be. IT IS  NOT WORKING!!! I am scared i want it so much and i am scared it may never happen.I don’t want this fear to take over but it is winning the battle right now.

Progesterone is not helping me feel any better, cray cray side effects are making me feel more crazy than i would be normally. After taking my first dose in the AM i feel louppy (which i must admit feel a bit euphoric) then the cranky sets in coupled with groggy tired feeling. Oh and food is less than appealing but i have to eat to take metformin  ( we all know what happens if you mess that up!). Man oh man i am a hot mess!

Rain rain rain, i love the rain and it is raining steadily here which is a comfort, i feel not obligation to get outside and do anything. However this mean all the cats (5) and all the dogs (4) surround me all day. They are also driving me nuts, they all want something from me and never at the same time. I want to wake up slowly in the AM but no up down up down one pet at a time needs something be it a potty break or food or water. Maybe its the progesterone talking!

I have decided to wait to test until Tuesday if AF doesn’t show up on her own. Is this a good idea or a bad idea i don’t really know maybe i am just becoming cheap and do not want to waste the money on another negative stick.

Also is it just me or are there a lot of BFP in the blog world? I am happy for you all but why so many at once, was there something in the water that i missed out on?

WOW it really feels good to get this all off my chest right now, if i drank or smoked i would think now would be a good time to do so, since i do nether of those things i am having a mocha.

Thanks for reading my rant,

Mrs. W.

 

Trigger shot and food

This trigger has affected me so much this cycle the nausea has been insane! I know it’s too early to have pregnancy symptoms so it has tone the trigger lingering around as I am only 8dpo. Every time I eat I feel sick about what I just eat or I get heart burn.

One night the heart burn was so bad I reflected I may be having a heart attack. Now there are two completely logic reasons why my Brian went there. First I don’t get heart burn in fact this was the first time it hurt like this near my heart. The second reason I had CPR class last week and they discussed women’s heart attack symptoms differ from the traditional symptoms. The pain was more in my back. Any rate I choked down some tums and a baby aspirin (just to be safe).

I can’t handle all pathetic leftovers in my frige I need them to disappear or reinvent themselves as something else, I barely eat the thanksgiving dinner. Bottom line I made food for five and there was only the two of us this year. I can not waste it and throw it out, and the pets an only have so much before it upsets there digestive tracts. I don’t know my chili will be made.

Cheers,

mrs. W

progesterone issues

This may be a little TMI so be warned.

My vaginal progesterone makes my vagina to moist and then it itches like no-other.  i decided  to make a change and take it orally and risk the nausea. But i have had no nausea just really luppy in the head like i am on a really strong pain-killer. What is this all about? It feels so funny!

Thanksgiving was nice and peaceful it was just me and the hubby at our house. We made all the fixing and the turkey enough to feed a family of more than two. Our pets love it because there is plenty or turkey to go around.

I really thought by this time i would at least be pregnant, but i am turning things into a positive. I have more time to buy things for our home to make it that much better when we have a kid. I am also trying to focus on just us this year, this differs because i normally spend more money on my sisters five kids than i do for ourselves. I think it is time i put more into my family and strengthen our bonds.

brrr its cold in my house today and by clod i mean 60 in the house. Ii wish we had a fireplace, i am trying to not run the heater as much.

Cheers,

Mrs. W.

pos OPK and trigger 2 days later, say what!

Friday my OPK was nearly pos i would call it pos, Saturday it was definably pos but my doc on Friday wanted me to trigger Saturday night @ 10pm for a 36hour window to IUI on Mon morning at 9am. I am so confused this goes against everything i have researched and been told by my other doctor. Just to cover my bases we did the baby dance on Thursday, and Saturday and i debating on if we should do it today or save up the little egg fertilizers till Monday.

Trigger injection my self sure no problem but the dosage had me all off. Because i had to do the trigger myself last night at 10pm  they gave me the bottle to mix and then inject which was all fine and dandy, until i realized what the nurse giving the instructions said and how you normally mix a bottle. She said take 1ml of the liquid and add it to the powder bottle. OK EXCEPT its a 10ml bottle and if i did that i would be giving myself one strong dose of hcg. So i did what i though was safe and added all the liquid to the bottle and gave myself a 1ml shot of it. I really didn’t want to run the risk of overstimulating myself, worse case i didn’t give myself enough and therefore didn’t trigger. Good news it the bottle doesn’t expire until 60days so one expensive could be three!

Oh the stress this week, i am just on edge this week all the things are aggravating me to the point where i am stress. This isn’t that normal for me, i can normally calm down and build back up to aggravation but not this last week.

The last couple of cycles i have noticed a trend, the day after my LH surge i begin having trouble sleeping. Ii can not stay asleep as long as i would normally even if i am tired. I also tend to toss and turn during the night and have to use the bathroom in the middle of the night.  Strange right, i guess everything is fare game in the journey to pregnancy.

When i saw the RE i brought up the fact that 3DPO i have trouble between breakfast and lunch with my blood sugar plummeting, only for 4days and she recommend that i half my morning metformine. This is good news but i am confused now on which DPO i am because of this wired IUI triggering.

In GOOD news, i had TWO large follicles this cycle. One was measuring right on and the other was slightly smaller (hence the reason she may have wanted to wait to trigger). This is news for me because the last three cycles i have only had one follicle. Even with this news i will be asking to up my Fermar to 5mg, if a next cycle comes. Another bit of good news with how busy i am TTC is not on the for though of my thoughts like it has been for the last year.

Admission of guilt, i have been having coffee the last two week, not that i have been needing it tremendously it has just been helpful with all the business. I feel guilty because i know i should be having it but with that said here are my rationals; i only have a cup a day with sugar free foofy, and i am not in my TTW. So its OK right?

Qualities of a good fertility counselor

I  am looking into fertility counselors, i don’t have much experiences with a counselor. Thus i am wondering if you all might have characteristic that you found to work best. Has anyone tried seeing a regular therapist to talk about infertility with? Wondering how prepared they would be and if they would understand all the fun TTC terminology. Maybe understanding the actual TTC isn’t necessary but the treatment of the effects it has on us.

Would love any and all feedback!

Cheers,

Mrs. W.

Am I Crazy?

RE says what?

Ok yesterday (11/9)was the first appointment  with the RE and it could be the last. I am so confused and a little disappointed .  I had thigh hopes that she would have options or plans  or an evaluation plan but no. She did offer to do an ultrasound but seeing as “I know” there wouldn’t be anything to see as I am a week away from seeing if a follicle is ripening.  Basically she gave me a slip to get my blood work checked  which was a good start. However I am going back to my OB to do another three cycles of fermera and trigger with IUI.  Unless I want to switch to injectables and pay 100% out of pocket for everything.

I am a bit confused as i thought this consult was going to go in another direction, i thought she would want to do and exam and this and that but i got the feeling she’d rather me go back to the OB for three more cycles. I  was confused about the coverage as well. My head is rather spinning.

I requested an appointment at my OB for a US this Friday and it is with a different dr than i normally see, she is the dr that did my last IUI so at least we have meet for the brief 5 minutes it takes to inject the spermies. I am braising my self to be more self advocating and more definitive with what i want from my appointments. I am ready i am preparing myself and who knows with all the luck in the world i could simply make a baby this weekend.

I am staying positive and not stressing about getting pregnant though i have anxiety when it comes to dealing with the Dr’s.

Cheers,

Mrs. W.

1st RE appt what do I ask

Tomorrow will be my consultation (1st appointment) and I want to reach out to all my fellow bloggers about what I should be asking or expecting for the new dr. ? I tend to get intimidated by dr.s I feel they should be the experts so I want to listen. With that said I know you have to be your own advocate, and we are at the point in our journey that we are wanting to take an aggressive approach.

i am open to all suggestions.

cheers,

Mrs. W