longing for the feeling

This is a strange post but I really just want to feel my body pregnant I long to see two pink lines not just because I would love to have children but because for a year I have worked hard to get pregnant and I just need to know what it will feel like. I sometimes think I could have been pregnant but then my period came so I will never know. I hope my new RE does beta checks so I can just know that the egg and sperm meet and a blastocyst began to form. This may sound crazy and by no means do I want a miscarriage but I just long to feel it and experince it for myself. I know it will happen one day and the journey will be long but it’s just what I am longing for right now. Just the moment where I know our hard work and treatments and procedures did something.

B0000035 Human blastocyst hatching

This could just be my estrogen going back up, but today hope is high but my heart is heavy. I long for some good news.

This month is going to be tough as the holidays always are for me, I LOVE LOVE the holidays. I enjoy the decorating, baking, crafting, presents, and dinner parties. This years I know will be tougher than normal as I had hoped to children to celebrate it with. I think I have these thoughts to prepare myself, to lower my expectations so I am not let down or depressed. I know the busy month will kept me distracted, and there is high hopes for good news at the RE office.

Thanks for reading my feelings


Mrs. W


6 thoughts on “longing for the feeling

  1. I think it makes total sense to just want to be pregnant, even wanting to know it even if you had a miscarriage. Not that anyone ever would want a miscarriage. But just to KNOW that your body is capable of getting pregnant! 12 months and nothing for sure, just emptiness. I’m glad you’re getting the testing! Sorry the Holidays are creeping up and you feel this sadness 😦

  2. Prior to joining the IF blogosphere I always thought ‘I just need to know it’s possible, even if I don’t maintain the pregnancy’ but now I know better because I’ve read posts of women who have faced loss. Now I think ‘I want to see those two pink lines when my body is ready for it and fortune is on my side.’

    Holidays are a tough time but you know a lot of people fall pregnant around that time too 😉 and I’m hoping you’ll be one of them.

  3. It makes sense to me too. You just want some confirmation that something is working. Try to focus on what you have always Loved about this time of year, that part hasn’t changed.

  4. I think anyone would understand your point, because I certainly do, just like the rest who have commented. I am wishing for you to find answers soon, and may everything fall into place.

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