fear fights with my inner strength

Today is 14dpo (first pos OPK) and 13DP trigger shot and 12 pas IUI#3, that is a mouth full.

I am struggling with anxiety/ fear/relaxing  and staying strong with my inner strength. I know once its determined that this cycle is going to come to an end i will morn, then move on but until then i am a internal basket case. I am trying not to be excited that this cycle could be ‘THE CYCLE” because i don’t want the big let down. I am also trying to relax and let what will be will be. IT IS  NOT WORKING!!! I am scared i want it so much and i am scared it may never happen.I don’t want this fear to take over but it is winning the battle right now.

Progesterone is not helping me feel any better, cray cray side effects are making me feel more crazy than i would be normally. After taking my first dose in the AM i feel louppy (which i must admit feel a bit euphoric) then the cranky sets in coupled with groggy tired feeling. Oh and food is less than appealing but i have to eat to take metformin  ( we all know what happens if you mess that up!). Man oh man i am a hot mess!

Rain rain rain, i love the rain and it is raining steadily here which is a comfort, i feel not obligation to get outside and do anything. However this mean all the cats (5) and all the dogs (4) surround me all day. They are also driving me nuts, they all want something from me and never at the same time. I want to wake up slowly in the AM but no up down up down one pet at a time needs something be it a potty break or food or water. Maybe its the progesterone talking!

I have decided to wait to test until Tuesday if AF doesn’t show up on her own. Is this a good idea or a bad idea i don’t really know maybe i am just becoming cheap and do not want to waste the money on another negative stick.

Also is it just me or are there a lot of BFP in the blog world? I am happy for you all but why so many at once, was there something in the water that i missed out on?

WOW it really feels good to get this all off my chest right now, if i drank or smoked i would think now would be a good time to do so, since i do nether of those things i am having a mocha.

Thanks for reading my rant,

Mrs. W.

 

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6 thoughts on “fear fights with my inner strength

  1. Dollar store tests allow you to go crazy but not broke. Yay! 😛 No promise they won’t depress you though if the negative results keep coming.

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