So i had my monthly ultrasound today and before we used the dildo cam while i was half naked with a paper cloth draped over me we had a lovely little chat about what is next. We started of discussing possibility of endometerosis. Which i thought i had then she didn’t think i had now it could be a possibility. If it is a really possibility her diagnosis would be via surgery which i thought was strange. Well then she went on about if i did have endo the studies are saying that i would have to have IVF if we wanted to conceive. I followed with that is out of the question and we would not be able to afford that anytime in the near future. Then she went on to say there is a test of ovarian caner that studies have show can be a indicator of endo and its only a blood test so i agreed to that. But if the test is neg it wont rule out endo, if the levels are high then there is a real possibility of endo. We then talk about fertilaid and acupuncture and chiropractors, which in the past 11 months has never been discussed was briefly talked about at no great length just that fertilaid would hurt and acupuncture has been proven effective and chiropractors have no scientific proof.
I know if i do have endo that i at least know i tried all my options up until now and i will not regret any of the avenues i have tried up until now. My Dr did say having both PCOS and Endo would be a big double whammy! She went on to describe endo as the inflammation cells could be eating my eggs (both fertilized and un-fertilized).
I am thinking Oh Hell NO them Cells better not be eating my BABIES!
Not time for U/S… Two eggs both on my right ovary both very large and both ready to go. Again what i was kind of expecting but why are my OPK’s all neg? So she said it was the best she could expect! Say what a minute ago we talked about upping my femara to 7.5mg to get better results. Either way we discussed what we are going to do this cycle. Trigger tomorrow morning at 8AM then come in Wednesday at noon for IUI. So we will baby dance tonight for sure, i even took mucinex to thing out my cervical mucus (a little extra help from western medicine).
Let another round of IUI begin.
Earlier today i tried posting this three times, it doesnt appear
Today in a few hours i have my US for this cycle too see how many follicle i have grown. Part of me is pessimistic because my OPK’s have been reading no LH which is strange for me since i normally have some decent color on the “test” side. But it is really faint and for me i also have been getting positives on CD15 so i am feeling bummed. However with that said i have also been having some “what feels like ovary twinges”, which is a good sign. I guess its just the mid cycle what if’s hitting me. All will be settled today at the dr’s. My doctor said she will talk about a different trigger shot that i have used previously, which could help.
There could be good new that i have lots of ripe follicles ready to trigger, we will just wait and see.
Thanks you to everyone who follows me and gives me there support, this blog has been a huge outlet for me and it makes a big difference knowing i have some many lovely people to share with and learn from.
I survived the last week’s daunting stress of assignments and a baby shower dinner and everything else. I was however pleased that nearly everyone else in the class struggled with the paper that was due.
I have reached a new point in this journey to making a baby. I have stopped thinking about making a baby every other minute and now it’s down to about three times a day. Maybe it’s partially that the holidays seasons are coming to an end and that I started grad school but never the less I have shrunk all the thinking and worrying down to a minimal and manageable amount.
New things I want to start trying outside the realm of western medicine are, acupuncture, chiropractor and herbal remedies (fertilaid). Seeing that I am supposed to ovulate this Wednesday I need to get on the ball for this cycle. I am also really trying to reach my subconscious through visualization so it really knows what I want.
At night I have been trying to meditate myself to sleep via visualization techniques. Strange side effect I have been having crazy dreams again, I don’t know what they mean but I know I don’t like them. They aren’t TTC related at all. They tend to be me all crazy aggressive and fighting sometimes family members trying to hurt them with no avail. Its nuts!
I know I am not supposed to stress on things buts it’s so hard to not be able to control making a baby as it is supposed to be something we are designed to do. I am by no means mad at my body I just worry about the ifs. Manly what ifs of what’s next and can we afford it. By now with the money we have spent on TTC I could have furnished a nursery (not at all that I know because I like to look around).
So that’s where I am at the moment more to come after this week’s appointments!
I really want to say new attitude about TTC.
All i can think about is that we may have a small bit of money coming our way and i am torn between paying down our debt or trying a round of inject-able treatment. Would i regret this decision if the treatment doesn’t work or will i be over the moon if it does work… Really this is so tough in my mind it comes down to practicality and practicality will probably win out but if there is just enough i may go all in and try.
Sucky position to be in where i have to choose between trying for a baby (natural life path) or financial…
2013 is going to be better than the last. Just about every year I hope foe this, 2012 didn’t work out in my favor so I can only believe it will be better.
Yesterday’s post was pretty blue but today is much better my chin is up and I have accepted what things are for what they are and I am moving on. Last was the start of a new year, I really hope there is a change for the best in me as these past few years have really changed the character and strengths.
I hope to find a new since of strength in myself. I have lost a lot of self confidence in the work force and in the “womeness”. While I move on from the rawness of the issues I have not begun to regain what was taken/lost from who I am. I am not sure how I am going to get it back but I am on the first step of recognizing its missing and start the search for how to find it.
I am on a roll right now as I think my cold is lifted, I have not had to blow my nose or cough up anything except when I first woke up. This makes me happy. My cramps have dissipated which worries me because I have not had any real flow start but it’s not at the top of my list to worry about. I have been working through one assignment which makes me feel like I am on a roll and can at least finish that assignment (the smallest one) today! In my head I am planning on going to get fabric for baby blanket and grocery shopping when hubby gets home from work. Feels very productive especially when compared to the last few days of my attempts at being productive.
Where do I go from here… this week I have so much to focus on and I will start my fermara which doesn’t faze me much as I don’t have any side effects. I am more worried about PMS side effects.
This cycle #14 meds:
Femara 5mg days 3-7
Metformin 2000mg everyday
Vitamin D3 twice a day
Folic acid once a day
Daily multi vitamins
OPK CD10- US appointment/ trigger shot
Trigger shot (thinking I am going to pass on IUI #5 this cycle)
Progesterone 150mg 1/2 in morning ½ at night
- Creme de la Creme of 2012 (stirrup-queens.com)
- December ICLW (patienceisnotmyvirtue.wordpress.com)