Nightmares and Lists

Oh my goodness the dreams are so scary and cause such high anxiety. My nightmares have been all over the place, scary. They wake me up and then I don’t want to go back to sleep only to start the dream again so I usually get up and watch TV (bad TV) for a few hours then try and go back to sleep. Still dealing with some exhaustion and then combined with lack of sleep makes for a bored girl. I feel like I have so much to do and some days I do nothing.

I feel like I have been on modified bed rest for the first three months, reality I have been so lazy and bored but this week I have had a few days where I have energy and bust out some things around the house. Only to be wiped-out by late afternoon. I promise I will get this balanced out very soon.

I am not an overachiever at least I really wasn’t growing up, so this next part is not me trying to be an overachiever just me trying to calm my fears or anxieties. I made an excel spread sheet of all the baby items we will need/register for. one column is for where we would like to get the items from, another the price range for the item, a column for weather we will register for it or buy it ourselves or both, last column is to show which items we don’t really need for the first six months (in other words not as high of priority).

The first two columns are to help us when finding good deals from places like Craig’s list or store sales, and Facebook sites. I am also going to try and coupon for as much as possible, I have never done well with couponing but I sure would like to try, therefore this list helps me know where to focus on. I feel funny looking to register for the shower/holidays on one hand we really need all the help we can get on the other I don’t know how many or who can help and lastly I don’t like asking people to buy things for us.

Well that’s my little rant for the day, hope everyone is beating the heat and enjoying some summer time activities.

Cheers, Mrs. W.


10 weeks- is this really happening

I am not sure this is real. Am I really 10 weeks, will I really make it to 12? This last week had been the worst for nausea, I though it was supposed to be getting better not worse. But what’s worse than the nausea is the skin itch. Some times my skin itches everywhere other times just my nipples or legs. Just like when I had the mosquitos bits, itching drives me crazy. I turn into a whinny grump itch-o-lot. My stress level was pretty high this week too. The more I tried to lower it I think the worse I made it. I took the advice of a friend went for a walk and meditated, but I combined the two. I feel much more “centered” when I am outdoors. When I cam back in, I found our kitten sleeping on my side of the bed so I climbed in and snuggled and took a cat nap with her. Moments like that I live for. After that my stress had been manageable. How far along: 10 Weeks Total Weight Gain: -4 lbs Stretchmarks: no new ones but I was feeling a lil bloated and could see ones that we nearly gone/invisbale Sleep: I fall asleep pretty easily now, but the last few nights I haven’t had any mid night bathroom trips. Best Moment This Week: bowling with the family for fathers day. Movement: not that I can feel. Gender: hopefully we will find out in two weeks (really hopeful but realistic) Belly Button: bottomless What I Miss: eating whatever and however much without having to really think about it first. Cravings: All over the place, this that and whatever I hear that sound good. What I am Looking Forward to: ultrasound in two weeks and three weeks. Milestones: just getting to this point is still huge to me.

week 9.5 food = not my freind

Ok is this strange, my doctor ordered a translucency ultrasound in week 12-14. I thought you did that in week 20. I mean I am ok with the chance to see our bundle of joy again and in high def, but wonder if it’s normal. On the plus we might find out the sex which will help me with my planning anxieties. Ok I did more research and it’s not all that uncommon to have an early translucent ultrasound for early detections.
I am pretty happy that we have had a rather problematic free week. Rather and not none is because I have a rash outbreak again on my inside thigh. Is it ring worm is it something else. 8 weeks ago an OB thought I had ring worm so I treated it and it went away but its back with a vengeance (much bigger). I need to call my GP to see what it is or if I can should or should not treat it until I am in my second trimester. I would like to not take anything that is not necessary as a precaution.
Oh you want to hear a funny story, yesterday I nearly spewed. We were in whole foods to pick up more prenatal they had my brand on sale plus 8$ off (still pricy). Really I wasn’t feeling 100% but I was ok till we rounded the corner by the cheese section. Oh it was bad. I nearly spewed it couldn’t get away from the smells and everything then smelt bad. Now things have definitely made me gag like those expensive prenatals but this was bad even thinking about it makes me nausea.
Nausea continues to be a theme today, I am not complaining because I haven’t had loads of constant nausea. I am also not complaining because it makes me know I am pregnant. Food aversion everything but learned my lesson for the second time not to eat salsa. But it looks so yummy and fresh in summer.
So happy to still be pregnant, I am cherishing every day.
Mrs. W

Too early for shopping

Is it strange all I want to do is buy a play yard. For some reason I feel like that is the most important thing. All the things I thought I would want to start buying/shopping for play yard was not on the top of that list. I know its way early but all I can do is think about getting it now. Anyone else have urges to buy things early in pregnancy. I must confess I have been secretly looking on websites like babies-R-Us, buy buy baby, and target to find one that I like and meet might needs (lol what I think are my needs).

As I write this I think I should be researching things like nursing supplies and baby bottle selection. Is it too soon to start a baby registry, of coarse I would keep it secret but I could put all my finds in one place. Um I know this is all too soon but it makes me feel good to prepare I am a big preparer it sooths my anxiety to be prepared ahead of time. This shopping talk is really taking my mind off my worries and in a happy zone.

Another odd note my hubby has started calling me baby mama = strange.

mindful musings,

Mrs. W

Happy day


I wanted to write a nice happy post today. Though I still worry I am also very happy for this pregnancy.

I have written post after post about the negatives but I really haven’t posted about how truly happy I am to have reach this point. I had lost hope a few times that achieving pregnancy would ever be possible. Now that I am pregnant it’s strange and scary but it all stems from how much we want this baby.

Even though we have been trying for some time it is still shocking every moment I realize hey I am pregnant. This is a true blessing for us and the dream is coming true and funny thing is I keep thinking, I did it once how soon can we try for s second.  I feel selfish for thinking it but it feels so good.  I can’t wait for my belly to grow and to show it off and spread the word. I want to enjoy this even if something bad happens I have what I have right now. If something goes wrong either way my heart will break, at least I can enjoy it while I can.

Yesterday we told my dad at his birthday dinner. When I say we I mean my hubby, he so badly wants to tell everyone. I figured it was ok because I doubt my dad will go out and tell anyone. So it was a win win, hubby got to tell someone and my dad got great bday news. He was very happy for us and it was nice to hear as it’s the first family we have told together. He offered any support he gave give, which is great as I am sure we will need it.

We had a second ultrasound last week so we know the baby is growing just as we hoped for. There wasn’t a lot to see but it was enough to make me feel more at peace. We go back on June 12th for the week seven ultrasound where we should see a heartbeat and more fetal development.

just kidding week 5 and mosquitos attak

Ok let’s go back to last Wednesday I started having some discomfort in my right ovary and it perpetuated through the day and evening. I was getting concern not so much that it was ectopic but hopefully just a cysts on my ovary. Nerves galore and I finally broke down and called OB’s office on Thursday morning. At first they said come in at three then they called back and said come in at noon as there is a little room for concern. OK my heart was RACING and I super nervous and anxious. I was trying to stay in my happy place and breathe lots of breathing exercises.

Get to appointment get my vital and my heart rate was 136, that’s an all-time record for me. Normally my blood pressure goes way up but this time it was my heart rate. I felt like it was to be expected as I was so nervous to see what was going on inside.

Dr. found the sac in my uterus and she measured it at 5 weeks. OMG weeks I thought we were loser to 7. ALARM ALARM. Dr. says based on my IUI date we were right on track and that counting from the first day of my last period was not the best way to count seeing that we had an IUI date. OK I felt a little better but that didn’t answer why we came here.

She looked at my right ovary and low and behold there was a nice size cysts (fluid filled body). It was about 11.79mm. Next my left ovary and it had two cysts. Strangely they done hurt like the left ovary. Today I got to thinking about after reading through the first few chapters of what to expect when you’re expecting. I still have endo and while it subsides it doesn’t go away completely for everyone. So I know my right has more endo than the left and when I put to and to together this could explain the pain. The OB didn’t go over much her main task was just to check that there wasn’t an ectopic pregnancy.

We still have our appointment for next Wednesday which I am still nervous about. The ultrasound showed very little just a sac and a small blimp of something that could be the yolk starting to grow.

I decided I need to start trying to be more optimistic so I bought a pregnancy journal. I wanted to start tracking the moods cravings and so on. Even though I have this in my blog I thought handwritten notes would be more convenient.This is an Aedes albopictus female mosquito ob...

Ok I learned something new and while I might be a myth I find it to be true. Mosquitos like pregnant people more because we are warmer. I went to sleep with no bites woke up with about fifty bites on my arms and legs. hubby might have one or two bites and he slept next to me!! Oh my goodness I already have a problem with one bite itchy till it drives me crazy but 50!! Day one the bites weren’t so bad but by night I was starting to see them swell and get all big and blotchy. So I consulted dr. Google which said to use cortisone cream and I could take Benadryl but one article said to wait till 12 week to use it. Ahhh I toughed it out one night without it and woke at 400 in the AM thanks to cat but perpetuated by the itch.  As soon as hubby woke I asked him to run to the store ASAP to get the cortisone. Itch relief but not all day itch relief, by 5 I couldn’t calm the itch. I decide my sanity was yearning for the Benadryl. I had relief until I awoke this am at around 6am. But the itch was only in two small spots so I spot treated them and I am ok at the moment. What to do moving forward I am not 100% sure because there is conflicting stories on bug repellent during pregnancy. I wonder if that’s true for skin-so-soft by Avon?

I worry like a mad women, oh my this is going to be a lonnnnng pregnancy. My close friend said to save the worry for when my child is a teen. I don’t know if there is going to be a safe point where I can stop worrying, maybe 12 weeks? That sounds so far away and is there really any guarantee that 12 weeks is a safe point?? Maybe around 30 weeks I will stop worrying about the baby and start worrying about me wanting it to be over!!

To be far and make this not a blog about worry I and a pregnancy where all I do is worry, I am going to calm myself and will Dr. Google everything but only once a day.


Mrs. W