spring time fun spring time fun

Well it has been a while since my last post and I have been rather MIA. Not sure if I have an answer as to why, I think my mind needed a break from TTC thoughts.

spring time fun

spring time fun

Though I have not halted my TTC in fact I had the most on record for follicle checks in one month (for me) I had four checks. The first front runner started on my left ovary which really excited me because I do not have any endometriose

s on my left tube or ovary (compared to the right ovary where I have endo on the tube). Strangely my left ovary has yet to really produce any viable follicle (she is lazy). But that excitement fade as the follicle slowly faded away. But spirits prevail and on my right I had one follicle developing nicely. Why she took an extra week to reach potential who knows (cold be a slew of reasons) but by Thursday she was 22mm(ish) so we triggered.

Shhh secretly I didn’t OPK as much this cycle. Again not real reason why but I just needed so peacefulness and not analytical thinking. I really listened to my body as I feel VERY aware of when I ovulate

these days , I am also aware I am not as accurate as OPK

or the Dr. but after 17months I think I am very in tune with myself.

Oh…I finally had hubby come back for what was my last of four follicle checks. While he is always there for the IUI’s I had never had him come in for a follicle check. This fourth time for the month I was thinking maybe it would be good for him to finally see how it works. Deep down I was hoping this could be the last one….(wishful thinking).

Key TTC finding this month : about 4 months ago I started to trigger at home which was no big deal except I had gotten bad directions so I wasn’t triggering the right dilution, meaning the my triggers where not as potent as they needed to be. No need to fuss though it is what it is, part of the unchangeable past. I think my OB was more upset than I was.  Moving forward I know the correct dilution of 1ml liquid to the dr

y solution and then all the of the new solution SubQ.

IUI was yesterday, and after six previous IUI’s its seems pretty routine now right??? Wrong!!! This time my regular OB preformed the IUI and for some reason my cervix wasn’t open enough to pass the tube through. I  have never had this problem before…. So she said sometime they have to clamp it so its straight. OK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OOOOOOOh my gosh it was painful and super crampy all at once. This was far worse than any other procedure I have had done. Well sure enough the tip still wasn’t going through nicely so she had to unclamp and get some dilator then clamp again and ahhhhhhh that was the worst. It even bleed a fair bit. Wholly cow I guess it make since now when I read about some ladies having painful IUI’s.

My appetite was even strange yesterday; I eat two whole bagels with cream cheese when normally I can barely eat one. Bagels are our treat on IUI days. While we wait the 40-60minutes for the sperm to get washed we drive over to the nearby bagel shop for breakfast. I

was even hungry for lunch and dinner; I am blaming the trigger shot which is really a dose of pregnancy hormones.

A tasty looking bagel with cream cheese.

Cream cheese on a bagel.

Now we wait two long weeks, and focus on no stress.

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CD1 and 1/1/13 Cycle#14

Happy New Year 2013

349~365~Taking Your Vitamins

2013 is going to be better than the last. Just about every year I hope foe this, 2012 didn’t work out in my favor so I can only believe it will be better.

 

Yesterday’s post was pretty blue but today is much better my chin is up and I have accepted what things are for what they are and I am moving on.  Last was the start of a new year, I really hope there is a change for the best in me as these past few years have really changed the character and strengths.

I hope to find a new since of strength in myself. I have lost a lot of self confidence in the work force and in the “womeness”. While I move on from the rawness of the issues I have not begun to regain what was taken/lost from who I am. I am not sure how I am going to get it back but I am on the first step of recognizing its missing and start the search for how to find it.

I am on a roll right now as I think my cold is lifted, I have not had to blow my nose or cough up anything except when I first woke up. This makes me happy. My cramps have dissipated which worries me because I have not had any real flow start but it’s not at the top of my list to worry about. I have been working through one assignment which makes me feel like I am on a roll and can at least finish that assignment (the smallest one) today! In my head I am planning on going to get fabric for baby blanket and grocery shopping when hubby gets home from work. Feels very productive especially when compared to the last few days of my attempts at being productive.

Where do I go from here… this week I have so much to focus on and I will start my fermara which doesn’t faze me much as I don’t have any side effects. I am more worried about PMS side effects.

This cycle #14 meds:

Femara 5mg days 3-7

Metformin 2000mg everyday

Vitamin D3 twice a day

Folic acid once a day

Daily multi vitamins

OPK CD10- US appointment/ trigger shot

Trigger shot (thinking I am going to pass on IUI #5 this cycle)

Progesterone 150mg  1/2  in morning ½ at night

Heavy hearted

 

My ooh my WordPress hates my iPad. Finally I was able to login after a week. Feels strange when I can’t read or post, almost like my routine is all a miss.

 

14dpo today. Tested against my better judgment got a BFN.

 

I wasn’t sad or upset, guessed I am getting used to it. Is this a bad sign? Is it a coping mechanisms ? Have I given in on the idea I can’t get pregnant?

 

English: Logo for the US television show Grey'...

Tonight I watched the season premiere of greys anatomy, I have been loyal fan since day one and even while I was abroad for a year. Well shocker it was sad, surprisingly once I cried I was emotional. Quie in my good friend who is a month away from due date, she asked about my cycle and I just keep crying. Oh boy I am emotional,  all the crying opened the flood crates of emotion.

 

(This was all written yesterday, could not finish)

 

Today I have felt the urge to cry, no tears came. Fears enveloped me, thoughts that I won’t be able to have children.

 

My other closest friend called for a catch up, which was really nice. However she is 22 weeks Along so it’s hard for me to not think about babies.   Ahh I wouldn’t say I am struggling more like I am just oddly emotional.

This cycle is number 11 since starting TTC , it has been a different even from my unusual cycles.

 

Lets start with AF it was as though clots were blocking the flow and so it would flow then stop flow then stop and so on lasting three days longer than normal. Ovulated earlier than ever before CD 15 that’s two days earlier than normal. Had a large follicle ripe and ready on cd15 earliest ever. So did trigger and first IUI, and progesterone supplements. Two weeks after pos ovulation test I test for pregnancy and neg, that’s actually very normal. Now AF is not here and not really looming that I can tell (abnormal). Well maybe it’s looming!

 

Oh I feel crazy.

 

i called the RE office to see what I need to do for consult and where I should be in my cycle. I have to get a referred and then I am good.  I will get prescription for fermera like normal.

 

mrs. W.