Avoidance of Baby this that and other

Avoidance or Trying to avoid baby thinking is ridiculously hard right now, I am trying to think about anything else however all I can do this thing how everything will be effected if we have children. I want to craft but all I can think about is children crafting or how I want to tech my children how to craft. I want to bake but I think about eating healthy to make a baby. I want to buy cloths but think I should wait as I may need new cloths if the next cycle is a BFP. On TV this AM I saw Rosie Pope on talking about pregnancy and child raising…

I started spotting which I am pretty sure is AF starting, it was brown. Now today more brown spotting and no real cramps. Am I too quick to say its AF starting as though it is what I am expecting to happen? I think I will call today CD1?? I don’t know with the new added script if this is how this period will be.

I am still feeling unsure about what I/we want to do next. I looked up success rates of IUI; 10-15% on IUI #1 but by IUI 4 it goes up to 50%. It makes me think I should be waiting and giving the OBGYN more chances at IUI before I move to the RE.

Or am I just scared to move to the RE and be labeled infertile. I want to be aggressive in getting pregnant at this point but I also want to practice patients. If I give the OB more chances and they fail and I am referred to the RE who finds something that the OB wasn’t looking for I will be angry with myself for not asking to be referred sooner. I fear that I may have something fixable going on but just don’t know what it is. Currently I fee very torn and feeling weak in my decision making skills.

With all that said I am working on a plan, I have contacted the OB to send in my normal script for Fermera. As we want to continue to try this month. Next the plan is I will ask for a referral to an RE I picked out. It could take up to a week for the referral to go through so I am not sure who will monitor my cycle.  I am they type of person who needs a plan for all directions I am considering so the other plan is to stick with the OB for another 2 cycles of IUI in hopes of pregnancy.

Right now I feel cruddy from cramping so I want to turn the AC on and veg. Cleaning the house up first then veg so I can veg in cleanliness.

Mrs. W.

 

 

I said I would never apologies for what I wrote about but this is a different apology, it’s not about my words or editing of my feelings and emotions. With that said…

My apology for most of my recent posts; I have been making them via my Ipad which is really not working out to being conducive to writing and posting. I struggle with so many issues that by the time I can get my words on the screen I am uber frustrated and lack editing of basic mistakes or write overs by Ipad. Hopefully I will work out the kinks with the Ipad but until then I shall try and sit at the desktop and write some better posts.

Strangely I felt a need for an apology to my readers, it could just be the emotions as I have been pretty emotional as of late.

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Baby focus too much?

So yesterday i hung out with a good friend who is about 4 1/2 months pregnant, I am so happy for her it is exactly what she wanted. I am volunteering to through her a baby shower because she is a close sweet person and a shower will help the couple celebrate bringing a new life into the world and will also help them get some necessities they will need. I  am so excited helping plan  it because i need something fun to distract me from wanting my baby. However i am not sure a baby shower is was the best idea.

So doing idea hunting has been a lot of fun but i keep finding myself think oh i want that for my future children and that would be so cute for a baby room, or that is something i need to remember for when i am pregnant. I feel my focus has changed to baby baby baby. Which wouldn’t normally be a problem for many women but with my PCOS history a baby simply might not be in the cards for me. What if i am setting myself up for a HUGE let down, I mean a plummet into a dark sad obis?

Today I am now on CD 44 and AF still isn’t in sight. I am not sure which is more frustrating telling myself not to get excited that I could with child or that if I am not that I will have to wait even longer before i can ovulate again. I find myself thinking that the little symptoms are that I am pregnant but those same symptoms are also synonymous with AF or pre-PMS. Ahhh I don’t want to set myself up for disappointment but I would be so bliss full and so would my husband. Some amazing news would be very suiting now. I am not sure how women can do this for years its only been about 8 months and I am already feeling a little baby crazy.

Anyone made it through or have some suggestions?

Cheers,

Mrs. W.