Avoidance or Trying to avoid baby thinking is ridiculously hard right now, I am trying to think about anything else however all I can do this thing how everything will be effected if we have children. I want to craft but all I can think about is children crafting or how I want to tech my children how to craft. I want to bake but I think about eating healthy to make a baby. I want to buy cloths but think I should wait as I may need new cloths if the next cycle is a BFP. On TV this AM I saw Rosie Pope on talking about pregnancy and child raising…
I started spotting which I am pretty sure is AF starting, it was brown. Now today more brown spotting and no real cramps. Am I too quick to say its AF starting as though it is what I am expecting to happen? I think I will call today CD1?? I don’t know with the new added script if this is how this period will be.
I am still feeling unsure about what I/we want to do next. I looked up success rates of IUI; 10-15% on IUI #1 but by IUI 4 it goes up to 50%. It makes me think I should be waiting and giving the OBGYN more chances at IUI before I move to the RE.
Or am I just scared to move to the RE and be labeled infertile. I want to be aggressive in getting pregnant at this point but I also want to practice patients. If I give the OB more chances and they fail and I am referred to the RE who finds something that the OB wasn’t looking for I will be angry with myself for not asking to be referred sooner. I fear that I may have something fixable going on but just don’t know what it is. Currently I fee very torn and feeling weak in my decision making skills.
With all that said I am working on a plan, I have contacted the OB to send in my normal script for Fermera. As we want to continue to try this month. Next the plan is I will ask for a referral to an RE I picked out. It could take up to a week for the referral to go through so I am not sure who will monitor my cycle. I am they type of person who needs a plan for all directions I am considering so the other plan is to stick with the OB for another 2 cycles of IUI in hopes of pregnancy.
Right now I feel cruddy from cramping so I want to turn the AC on and veg. Cleaning the house up first then veg so I can veg in cleanliness.
I said I would never apologies for what I wrote about but this is a different apology, it’s not about my words or editing of my feelings and emotions. With that said…
My apology for most of my recent posts; I have been making them via my Ipad which is really not working out to being conducive to writing and posting. I struggle with so many issues that by the time I can get my words on the screen I am uber frustrated and lack editing of basic mistakes or write overs by Ipad. Hopefully I will work out the kinks with the Ipad but until then I shall try and sit at the desktop and write some better posts.
Strangely I felt a need for an apology to my readers, it could just be the emotions as I have been pretty emotional as of late.