Heavy hearted

 

My ooh my WordPress hates my iPad. Finally I was able to login after a week. Feels strange when I can’t read or post, almost like my routine is all a miss.

 

14dpo today. Tested against my better judgment got a BFN.

 

I wasn’t sad or upset, guessed I am getting used to it. Is this a bad sign? Is it a coping mechanisms ? Have I given in on the idea I can’t get pregnant?

 

English: Logo for the US television show Grey'...

Tonight I watched the season premiere of greys anatomy, I have been loyal fan since day one and even while I was abroad for a year. Well shocker it was sad, surprisingly once I cried I was emotional. Quie in my good friend who is a month away from due date, she asked about my cycle and I just keep crying. Oh boy I am emotional,  all the crying opened the flood crates of emotion.

 

(This was all written yesterday, could not finish)

 

Today I have felt the urge to cry, no tears came. Fears enveloped me, thoughts that I won’t be able to have children.

 

My other closest friend called for a catch up, which was really nice. However she is 22 weeks Along so it’s hard for me to not think about babies.   Ahh I wouldn’t say I am struggling more like I am just oddly emotional.

This cycle is number 11 since starting TTC , it has been a different even from my unusual cycles.

 

Lets start with AF it was as though clots were blocking the flow and so it would flow then stop flow then stop and so on lasting three days longer than normal. Ovulated earlier than ever before CD 15 that’s two days earlier than normal. Had a large follicle ripe and ready on cd15 earliest ever. So did trigger and first IUI, and progesterone supplements. Two weeks after pos ovulation test I test for pregnancy and neg, that’s actually very normal. Now AF is not here and not really looming that I can tell (abnormal). Well maybe it’s looming!

 

Oh I feel crazy.

 

i called the RE office to see what I need to do for consult and where I should be in my cycle. I have to get a referred and then I am good.  I will get prescription for fermera like normal.

 

mrs. W.

 

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