Have you missed me? I have been pretty hit and miss on postings lately. I must apologies I just haven’t been feeling all myself, today. Is a new day. I am not going to let a the hormons or the unanswered wishes get the best of me. Many of posts were started but none published, I have been keeping up on the reader, not many comments but some likes.
I am not going to hide the fact that I am struggling right now. Life has gotten the better of me and I am a bit lost to figure out what my role is and how I fit in. Life has thrown me a few curve balls and now I just need to figure out how I am goingto hit them out the park.
So this cycle was a complete wash for me , being that my last cycle was the first that I probably had a true ovulation with a rip follicle, I was planing to have another ripe ova this cycle. Well that would just be to easy now wouldn’t it! Clomid defiantly not very friendly to me I was feeling all the side effects. Those sideffects combined with the facts that I didn’t get a BFP was just cruel.
Oh the tears but for happy things, I found myself crying because others where having good things happen for them this was a first for me. I don’t cry over stuff unless it’s a goodbye,goodbyes always get me. Sort of surprising was i shed no tears this cycle after either of the ultrasounds. Both showed no promising follicle sizes, a few small ones and one medium 17mm. Bummed out but the dr. Decided to change things up and try out femara. It was a little bit surprising but I think she was trying to avoid upping my clomid to 150 mg , because IUI would be needed at that level. I was kinda looking forward to the next step with IUI, but femara looks just as promising.
I am not sure which was worse the TWW with a neg or the fact that this cycle is a wash with no real hope for a BFP. I am also bummed because without the ovulation my cycle will probably long which means the next chance is going to be longer than I would like. With all that said let the journey continue…
New medication regiment:
Metformin non sustaine release 2000 (highest I have ever taken)
FamAra 2.5 mg (first time use) days 3-7.
The last two weeks where not all that great for me, between the fighting with my husband to our youngest fur baby lost for two days to today when I got a BFN and AF in the same day.
I haven’t posted much lately just because my mother always inforced in me that if you don’t have something positive to say why say anything at all? Well it’s just been a bit of a low time for me. I am truly thankful that nothing seriously bad has happened in my life, I am even more grateful our fur baby tut came home unharmed. We even had a nice half day at the lake where we both got a bit too much sun but the dogs had a blast swimming for the ball.
Starting about seven days ago I started to have mild cramps which is very unusual for me. I have never had cramps other than cd1 of any cycle of my life. I knew this could be implantation cramps which is very normal. The cramps continued all week, they were never that bad. In fact I would be happy to have those cramps as my period cramps always. Besides the cramps I didn’t feel pregnant not that I would know what that feels like. I have been tired the last three days and food hasn’t been all that appealing.
Friday I had the interview with the recruiter, which was the worst interview of my life. To quickly sum it up I was late because my navigator told me the wrong location even though left plenty early. So the interviewer had already judge me! It just got worse and worse she said she will check my references and get back to me! I beat myself up for a moment then told myself what is meant to be will be. There is another job outside my field that I got my eye and really excites me.
This is going to sound very liberal and maybe a little bit crazy but Right now I am trying to let life guid me, I am trying to be open to new avenues. I want not force my wants instead try and see if my direction of career should be in a new arena. Oprah said once that you have to be open to the whispers around you, and if you are lucky you will hear them when they are just soft whispers. Well I am open and I am listening for them.
Now back to reproduction talk, I tested last night and this morning both negative. Boo! Then this afternoon I started cramping worse and then stared spotting. So I sent the dr a email to send in my script for clomid. It’s good that we already have a plan for this month. Clomid days 3-7, Then ultrasound cd16, if follicle is measuring 21cm I get a trigger shot! Excited to try again, sad to have to try again. Fingers crossed no more weight gain!
My plane is to talk with my husband tonight and have heart to heart, I love him and want him to be my partner in life and i need to let him know how i exactly I am needing his support.
A new moths is about to begin and anew cycle is starting a fresh beginning!
I did it i was able to get an ovary to grow a egg suitable for release. That took about 8 months, so for eight months i worked hard to get to this point but now what? Is my body going to release the right hormones on its own now? Are my chin hairs going to get thicker? Oh PCOS you are very puzzling!
These are just a few random thoughts going through my head. The biggest is IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING, COULD IT BE TRUE? Did i do everything right? I didn’t loose all the weight i wanted too? Am i taking enough vitamins? lordy i am a full of questions. To no avail my trusty internet and web forums are not helping.
All my go to sites talk all about getting to ovulation but then what. What does someone with PCOS do now?
Metformin, i am still only up to 1000mg, and i am scared to up it in the two week wait but it may stress my body. I also took a few day break from the prenatal vitamins but i am back on track with them. My blood pressure has be high the last week and i am not sure how i am going to get it back under control. I have been really active so i thought it would have brought i back down but nope hasn’t. I have been doing daily “meditation” really i am just focusing on my breathing and visualization which is what i consider my meditation. The meditation bring my blood pressure down very quickly, however it doesn’t have that long of a lasting effect.
I always try and avoid the Diet conversation because it is truly my weakest point. while i feel overall i eat good i defiantly have bad weeks and good weeks. It feels like a never ending cycle of really good weeks then not so good weeks of eating out. We know we need to work on this area and we do try hard. the last three weeks while the hubby was off work has been a roller coaster of good and bad days. Today is not the exception great breakfast not so good lunch and great dinner planned.
Truth #5 (Photo credit: Selbe B)
Can it be true am I really ovulating? This morning my ovulation predictor was really close to having two equally pink lines…. Then at my CD16 follicle check there it was a “giant” (to me) follicle about a size 23.7. My face lit up when I saw it, it was my first. My utErus lining was great too. I am sure that this good news was how some people feel when they find out they are pregnant. I was elated it may be very possible that I can get pregnant this cycle, whoa. I am even having cramping on my right side. Today felt so good, finally good news for a nice positive change.
Still doing the positive thinking and visualization technique. Slight bad news is that I gained 3 pounds in 45 days.ahhhhh I was doing so well going down. I have heard of others gaining 10+ lbs on clomid, so I am positively spinning it that I did well.
If I get another positive the next two days it’s real I am really going to ovulate this cycle. Even better is that if I have a next cycle then I can do a trigger shot, if another cycle I get to do IUI. I love having a plan easies my anxiety.
To celibrate we DTD then we went rafting down the American river. My good friend her bump, her husband, my husband, and my niece all floated all day it was nice to soak up some rays.
I was thinking of taking mucinex to help get my juices flowing, I am not sure if I am going to do it yet? Any opinions?
Image via CrunchBase
I have been looking for things to help lower my stress and who knew Disney has a TTC website??
Check it out…
CD 5 on clomid and things are as bad as last month I take the pills at about 8pm which I believe is really helping. I have had some hot flashes and blurry vision but pretty calm otherwise. The calm is kinda strange it’s like i am medicate. I have done my visualization and positive thinking everyday which has been interestingly enough calming and helping keep my stress level down.
Big test of stress control will be tomorrow when the whole family (my side of the family) are getting together for my dads birthday. He thinks it will be his last ahh drama queen! Well my sister will be there with all five of her kids which is usually a circus act, one is always mad/happy/sad/tired/distracted. I think I will try and stay out of it all and keep to my husband and self for the dinner.
I made my follicle ultrasound appointment today it’s for Cd16 because my cycles have been on the longer side, the dr wants to make sure she is measuring the follicle size accurately and ovulation prediction.
And the journey continues,
- Fertility Vitamins and Prenatal Vitamins (familyandchild.wordpress.com)
- How To Get Pregnant (signsforpregnancy.wordpress.com)
- Fertility Foods (nourishingresults.com)
- How To Conceive A Baby Girl (mademan.com)
Cheese (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Both my two closest friends are now both preggers, they were my TTC friends. I knew both would probably get pregnant before me because neither have fertility problems…just me. Honestly I am so happy for them both, maybe this means my baby will get all there hand-me-downs, and they will have lots of good tips.
I am sad to be alone but I am doing positive affirmation and visualization. So in true positive fashion this round of clomid will release an egg or two, which will be fertilized and result in a full healthy pregnancy.
Everyday I am doing what would be called a form of meditation where I visualize egg release to delivery. It feels really soothing to relax and visualize which is also great for stress relief.
The correlations between high stress-PCOS- infertility, thus I will be trying to keep my stress levels at and ultimate low this month.
Day two of clomid and so far not strong side Effects. Though last month day one was also calm before, it was day three before the massive wave of PMS rage.
Min, ancient Egyptian god of fertility and lettuce (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Part of me hoped it would be cramps associatedwith pregnancy since its CD50 but no i am pretty sure its my old friend AF, we have a wonderful love hate relationships. Hate her when she comes because no fetus can make it through and love it when she comes so i can start my next round of clomid. I had contact the Dr. yesterday to tell her about my progression on CD49 with no positive pregnancy test, she got back to me and told me my body was probably thrown off by the first round of clomid and so she sent in a prescription for Provera– synthetic progesterone which is actually a hormone to sustain pregnancy just a little fun fact. Looks like i wont be needing it now!
Today i love my AF because i didn’t really want to take another pill/hormone although once before when i took progesterone i had an amazing text book ovulation the next cycle. I had taken it because my period randomly lasted three weeks, well it wasn’t completely random i had wedding stress that really through me off. By the way being on your period for your wedding and honeymoon is so not fun, though it brought my husband up to speed on having to make sure we had enough tampons and always had them on us while traveling (on the plains, on the dinner cruise, on the hop on buses, sight seeing….you get the point). Wow that was a tangent—-
This cycle my medications of choice will be:
(the links below are not a scientific explanations but a fellow blogger (stirrup queens) wrote them and i think they are a very human dictation very closely related to my interpretations of the medications)
While i love that AF is here i am not really looking forward to the side effects of the clomid. I am going to try and take them at night this time to see if it helps. Anyone fellow bloggers had any effectiveness with this? I would love to hear any advice about minimizing the side effects, like the crazy PMS like moods swings and the nausea. If fact i am going to try and go on fact finding mission to try and find something so i am prepared.
I am off and running today!