How do you know its time for IVF?

I really hate to jump the gun but i am starting to think it would be wise to skip injectables and go straight for IVF. We are not rich by any means and really neither of these are a great financial option. What happens when you spend a couple of grand  out of pocket for injectables and it fails and then you have to move onto IVF but you have already spent so much on the injectables. How do you decide??

I really do trust the medical field but i also feel that everyone needs to be there own advocate. I think i am scared of not having many more options at this point. I  also feel as though i am racing the clock and our budget.

Mrs. W

Pity Party for One

Hurt. Anger. Fear. Jealousy. Frustration. Sadness. Misery. Tense. Hopeless. Alone. Rage. Lost. Let down. Less than. Regretful. Unsure.

All these emotions are pouring through me, I started and very light spotting last night and it just confirmed my feelings of not being pregnant. Cried myself to sleep which is really rare but I just hurt. BFN just to confirm this morning.

I am completely aware that this is fairly normal for the end of another cycle when TTC for so long. I know I will overcome it and be strong again, but for the night I just needed to feel everything. Bummed it has to be New Year’s Eve as I don’t want to bring in the new year with such feelings. Good news in this dark moment is that I can drink but probably won’t as we are not much of drinkers, but I will have a coffee. Oh i can also stop taking the progesterone!!( thats almost the most exciting news all day!)

I am just so confused I really don’t know what else to do about getting pregnant. Why isn’t it happening? Is there something wrong that nobody is looking for? What should I be doing my doctor is giving me nothing besides basic medications and the RE doesn’t want to see me for another two cycles. I am scared I as another cycle passes I am becoming more hopeless. I sent my doctor the usual email telling her its CD1 (not yet but starting), and I asked if there is anything else she can look for to see what is happening and if there is anything medicated or un-medicated that I can do. We will see what she says.

Did anyone find a new trick to conceiving in there stocking this year that you want to share?

I am so worn out. I am just getting over a cold I had the last week and a half and I am over loaded with school work and the Christmas decorations are still up. All this was compounded by the fact I saw my closest friends new baby for the first time as she was in town visiting for the holidays. I started TTC three months before her and now she is holding a very beautiful precious 1.5 month old and I am still trying. It’s so hard because I had hoped we would be sharing in all this together. Instead I listen and learn from her which is fine but the timing could have been any worse to start spotting.

This week is going to be so busy- I have three class assignments due and a baby shower on Sunday, which I need to make a baby blanket for. I haven’t even bought the material yet!! The shower is also a supper club so I am making toad in the hole for and I have never made it and need to shop for it. We are slim on groceries. Cramps are coming in the next day or two which usually lay me out for a day. Boy oh Boy this will be an interesting week and all I really want to do is curl up and have a pity party or myself alone with my cats (dogs are on my annoying list at the moment).  Did I mention one of the class assignments is a group activity so I need to meet with them at some point too? I am crying right now just because I don’t want to be strong and handle it all like I normally would; I just want life to be easy for once. I did survive the holidays so I will survive this week and the next.

For now I will drudge through and find hope in this new cycle.

Happy new year to everyone may it be filled with peace and love for you and your loved ones. I can only hope that next year is going to get better for me and my love.

Baby focus too much?

So yesterday i hung out with a good friend who is about 4 1/2 months pregnant, I am so happy for her it is exactly what she wanted. I am volunteering to through her a baby shower because she is a close sweet person and a shower will help the couple celebrate bringing a new life into the world and will also help them get some necessities they will need. I  am so excited helping plan  it because i need something fun to distract me from wanting my baby. However i am not sure a baby shower is was the best idea.

So doing idea hunting has been a lot of fun but i keep finding myself think oh i want that for my future children and that would be so cute for a baby room, or that is something i need to remember for when i am pregnant. I feel my focus has changed to baby baby baby. Which wouldn’t normally be a problem for many women but with my PCOS history a baby simply might not be in the cards for me. What if i am setting myself up for a HUGE let down, I mean a plummet into a dark sad obis?

Today I am now on CD 44 and AF still isn’t in sight. I am not sure which is more frustrating telling myself not to get excited that I could with child or that if I am not that I will have to wait even longer before i can ovulate again. I find myself thinking that the little symptoms are that I am pregnant but those same symptoms are also synonymous with AF or pre-PMS. Ahhh I don’t want to set myself up for disappointment but I would be so bliss full and so would my husband. Some amazing news would be very suiting now. I am not sure how women can do this for years its only been about 8 months and I am already feeling a little baby crazy.

Anyone made it through or have some suggestions?

Cheers,

Mrs. W.