week 9.5 food = not my freind

Ok is this strange, my doctor ordered a translucency ultrasound in week 12-14. I thought you did that in week 20. I mean I am ok with the chance to see our bundle of joy again and in high def, but wonder if it’s normal. On the plus we might find out the sex which will help me with my planning anxieties. Ok I did more research and it’s not all that uncommon to have an early translucent ultrasound for early detections.
I am pretty happy that we have had a rather problematic free week. Rather and not none is because I have a rash outbreak again on my inside thigh. Is it ring worm is it something else. 8 weeks ago an OB thought I had ring worm so I treated it and it went away but its back with a vengeance (much bigger). I need to call my GP to see what it is or if I can should or should not treat it until I am in my second trimester. I would like to not take anything that is not necessary as a precaution.
Oh you want to hear a funny story, yesterday I nearly spewed. We were in whole foods to pick up more prenatal they had my brand on sale plus 8$ off (still pricy). Really I wasn’t feeling 100% but I was ok till we rounded the corner by the cheese section. Oh it was bad. I nearly spewed it couldn’t get away from the smells and everything then smelt bad. Now things have definitely made me gag like those expensive prenatals but this was bad even thinking about it makes me nausea.
Nausea continues to be a theme today, I am not complaining because I haven’t had loads of constant nausea. I am also not complaining because it makes me know I am pregnant. Food aversion everything but learned my lesson for the second time not to eat salsa. But it looks so yummy and fresh in summer.
So happy to still be pregnant, I am cherishing every day.
Mrs. W


romance induced spotting

Caution sex is discussed below!

Ok so for the first time in a while we had normal couple romance sex. Considering that the progesterone has kept us from any type of sex for the last 6 weeks I decided to give it a go this morning. Well it didn’t last long before the inflamed skin made us stop- ugh progesterone. But it was nice while it lasted. TTC has killed our bedroom romance.

Now shortly after I saw pink! I didn’t panic because it was pink and minimal. But then later there was kinda a glob of pink which I had thought had stopped. Well I am not terrible worried, we have a ultrasound next week and if the spotting stops then I will just wait till then to check with the doctor. Until then no more sex! My friend thinks I should call the OB but what do you think?

I decided to get a mani petie even though I was scared of the odors and the foot rub. I faced my fears and went through with it. Its wasn’t bad but I didn’t think it was going to take nearly two hours so I started getting antsy and nausea from hunger. I was starving and wiped out by the time I got home = not a problem but a side effect.

Oh my husband says I am being too hard on myself about the exhaustion and lack of doing things. Working on accepting that its ok to be a bum a lot.

Yay for romance boo to spotting-

Too early for shopping

Is it strange all I want to do is buy a play yard. For some reason I feel like that is the most important thing. All the things I thought I would want to start buying/shopping for play yard was not on the top of that list. I know its way early but all I can do is think about getting it now. Anyone else have urges to buy things early in pregnancy. I must confess I have been secretly looking on websites like babies-R-Us, buy buy baby, and target to find one that I like and meet might needs (lol what I think are my needs).

As I write this I think I should be researching things like nursing supplies and baby bottle selection. Is it too soon to start a baby registry, of coarse I would keep it secret but I could put all my finds in one place. Um I know this is all too soon but it makes me feel good to prepare I am a big preparer it sooths my anxiety to be prepared ahead of time. This shopping talk is really taking my mind off my worries and in a happy zone.

Another odd note my hubby has started calling me baby mama = strange.

mindful musings,

Mrs. W

Happy day


I wanted to write a nice happy post today. Though I still worry I am also very happy for this pregnancy.

I have written post after post about the negatives but I really haven’t posted about how truly happy I am to have reach this point. I had lost hope a few times that achieving pregnancy would ever be possible. Now that I am pregnant it’s strange and scary but it all stems from how much we want this baby.

Even though we have been trying for some time it is still shocking every moment I realize hey I am pregnant. This is a true blessing for us and the dream is coming true and funny thing is I keep thinking, I did it once how soon can we try for s second.  I feel selfish for thinking it but it feels so good.  I can’t wait for my belly to grow and to show it off and spread the word. I want to enjoy this even if something bad happens I have what I have right now. If something goes wrong either way my heart will break, at least I can enjoy it while I can.

Yesterday we told my dad at his birthday dinner. When I say we I mean my hubby, he so badly wants to tell everyone. I figured it was ok because I doubt my dad will go out and tell anyone. So it was a win win, hubby got to tell someone and my dad got great bday news. He was very happy for us and it was nice to hear as it’s the first family we have told together. He offered any support he gave give, which is great as I am sure we will need it.

We had a second ultrasound last week so we know the baby is growing just as we hoped for. There wasn’t a lot to see but it was enough to make me feel more at peace. We go back on June 12th for the week seven ultrasound where we should see a heartbeat and more fetal development.

How do you know its time for IVF?

I really hate to jump the gun but i am starting to think it would be wise to skip injectables and go straight for IVF. We are not rich by any means and really neither of these are a great financial option. What happens when you spend a couple of grand  out of pocket for injectables and it fails and then you have to move onto IVF but you have already spent so much on the injectables. How do you decide??

I really do trust the medical field but i also feel that everyone needs to be there own advocate. I think i am scared of not having many more options at this point. I  also feel as though i am racing the clock and our budget.

Mrs. W

Called the RE for another apt

So for those of you whom follow me you know i see and OB for my treatments (mainly because its covered my insurance). November of last year i saw the RE for the first time and she asked that we do two more IUI with my OB as the treatment plan would be the same with her except insurance wouldn’t cover it with her. Well on the third IUI after i saw her i realized i needed to push for the LAP because i thought i had ENDO, guess what i was right. Since then we where optimistic that we might now be able to conceive after the endo removal. We are currently on out second IUI after the LAP and Tues is the end of the TWW. However i am not feeling optimistic that i am going to get a BFP. Really i am feeling like i need to push for the next level of medications (injectables). I  have decided to ask my father for the money to cover the cycle and to see how it goes.

I called the RE’s office and we have an appointment for May 14! That will be one week into my next cycle.  i don’t want to skip a cycle because of the endo so i will continue on with Fermara from my OB. They also want more labs done and labs for the Hubby. I guess the labs for the hubby are standard for working with his samples basic infectious diseases.

My husband says i am pregnant so all this is wasted effort. I am not so sure my boobs are starting to feel sore and my appetite has changed all signs AF is almost here. I am preparing for it this time. I need to get everything out of the way so when it comes i am not struggling with emotions and pain that interfere with my life activities. I  know this is negative of me but i am trying to avoid the hurt that is going to come.

This month is going to be a good action packed month for me and the hubby. He is on vacation so we are going to drag our butts out and have adventures everyday. The dogs will reap the rewards!


Mr. W

5dp IUI admist the TWW

My posting has been quite erratic as of late due to the fact that when writing a research paper my focus is on gettin er’ done. When i last left off we where getting ready for IUI number 8 but at this point i have stopped counting even count the cycle because we are on cycle 17 what i am count is the number of cycle past the LAP. Our window to conceive after the LAP is about 6-8 months and we are in month two which scares me. The fright comes from if its going to happen and the unknown if it doesn’t (no game plan in 6 months). I am trying hard to stay positive and that it will happen! What will be will be.

Since the IUI my hubby has been very vocal about how hopeful he is this cycle. Normally he doesn’t really say much and the other night before we fell asleep he said he hopes we are pregnant this time. Then he keeps making jokes about my belly being his baking making machine. I casually laugh it off in hopes it really comes true. He also has brought the fact he really want just one of ours to be walking around. So sweet. I have yet to let his possible disappointment in infertility affect me because i am sure it would devastate me.

So far i have started the wonderful progesterone suppositories and last night the vivid bad dreams started! The worst part of the progesterone is the grossness but next tot hat is the horrible bad dreams it gives me. I awake from the bad dreams multiple times a night and usually i am hot and my heart is beating fast. In the end i can handle both those bad side-effects if it gives me the one BEST side-effect of a baby.

I am also working on my zen (less stress). I really try to avoid things that are going to get to me or at least I handle them in ways that are not going to effect me by stressing me out. So far I think I am doing a great job, but I am sure hubby might think differently.

Oh one thing i am not handling is the announcements of more pregnancies all around me! My misery needs company people!!! I mentions awhile back that a girl in my course is pregnant and she is about 7 months along luckily she is not all over the top about it and she keeps her misery (excuses) to a minimum. However another girl is accidentally pregnant, she thought she was done with her three kids and lo and behold she is pregnant again. While at first i was not over joyed because I worried I was going to have to watch her belly grow and not my own. but then last Tues she announced she is going to be leaving the coarse and switching to a different school. Though i wasn’t relived because i like her and wished she would stick around. THEN…. the girl next to be turns and asks if i have kids, i said no, she said GOOD and to wait as long as possible. I felt the urge to say i am an infertile climbing up my throat, and i swallowed several time in order to keep my embarrassment to myself. I responded if it happens it happens, then the subject changed. This was not isolated conversation though, it happened again with a different girl who i am bit more familiar. She wants a second baby and her husband doesn’t because the first is in her words their daughter is a terror. HHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA i wanted to scream that i would be happy with a terror i would cherish my child either way but didn’t. AND then another couple asked if we have kids my hubby said we are trying (which i thought was cute) then they followed by we should meet there   old because he will make us not want them. OH yeah and my friend that had her baby in Feb (she was my TTC buddy) told me she is not sending me pics or updates because she doesn’t think it will make my happy.

Low and behold i realize i need some new TTC buddies who aren’t pregnant, i need company and empathy. As much as i am so very happy to read about all my fellow TTC bloggers i am said that i am feeling more alone than ever on this journey. Though i find hope in there BFPs so keep em comin!

As i write this i am feeling a bit hormonal and on the decline of emotions as compared to this morning! Maybe i am crashing from the coffee i snuck in this AM.


Mrs. W.