week 9.5 food = not my freind

Ok is this strange, my doctor ordered a translucency ultrasound in week 12-14. I thought you did that in week 20. I mean I am ok with the chance to see our bundle of joy again and in high def, but wonder if it’s normal. On the plus we might find out the sex which will help me with my planning anxieties. Ok I did more research and it’s not all that uncommon to have an early translucent ultrasound for early detections.
I am pretty happy that we have had a rather problematic free week. Rather and not none is because I have a rash outbreak again on my inside thigh. Is it ring worm is it something else. 8 weeks ago an OB thought I had ring worm so I treated it and it went away but its back with a vengeance (much bigger). I need to call my GP to see what it is or if I can should or should not treat it until I am in my second trimester. I would like to not take anything that is not necessary as a precaution.
Oh you want to hear a funny story, yesterday I nearly spewed. We were in whole foods to pick up more prenatal they had my brand on sale plus 8$ off (still pricy). Really I wasn’t feeling 100% but I was ok till we rounded the corner by the cheese section. Oh it was bad. I nearly spewed it couldn’t get away from the smells and everything then smelt bad. Now things have definitely made me gag like those expensive prenatals but this was bad even thinking about it makes me nausea.
Nausea continues to be a theme today, I am not complaining because I haven’t had loads of constant nausea. I am also not complaining because it makes me know I am pregnant. Food aversion everything but learned my lesson for the second time not to eat salsa. But it looks so yummy and fresh in summer.
So happy to still be pregnant, I am cherishing every day.
Cheers,
Mrs. W

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Happy day

Smile.

I wanted to write a nice happy post today. Though I still worry I am also very happy for this pregnancy.

I have written post after post about the negatives but I really haven’t posted about how truly happy I am to have reach this point. I had lost hope a few times that achieving pregnancy would ever be possible. Now that I am pregnant it’s strange and scary but it all stems from how much we want this baby.

Even though we have been trying for some time it is still shocking every moment I realize hey I am pregnant. This is a true blessing for us and the dream is coming true and funny thing is I keep thinking, I did it once how soon can we try for s second.  I feel selfish for thinking it but it feels so good.  I can’t wait for my belly to grow and to show it off and spread the word. I want to enjoy this even if something bad happens I have what I have right now. If something goes wrong either way my heart will break, at least I can enjoy it while I can.

Yesterday we told my dad at his birthday dinner. When I say we I mean my hubby, he so badly wants to tell everyone. I figured it was ok because I doubt my dad will go out and tell anyone. So it was a win win, hubby got to tell someone and my dad got great bday news. He was very happy for us and it was nice to hear as it’s the first family we have told together. He offered any support he gave give, which is great as I am sure we will need it.

We had a second ultrasound last week so we know the baby is growing just as we hoped for. There wasn’t a lot to see but it was enough to make me feel more at peace. We go back on June 12th for the week seven ultrasound where we should see a heartbeat and more fetal development.

just kidding week 5 and mosquitos attak

Ok let’s go back to last Wednesday I started having some discomfort in my right ovary and it perpetuated through the day and evening. I was getting concern not so much that it was ectopic but hopefully just a cysts on my ovary. Nerves galore and I finally broke down and called OB’s office on Thursday morning. At first they said come in at three then they called back and said come in at noon as there is a little room for concern. OK my heart was RACING and I super nervous and anxious. I was trying to stay in my happy place and breathe lots of breathing exercises.

Get to appointment get my vital and my heart rate was 136, that’s an all-time record for me. Normally my blood pressure goes way up but this time it was my heart rate. I felt like it was to be expected as I was so nervous to see what was going on inside.

Dr. found the sac in my uterus and she measured it at 5 weeks. OMG weeks I thought we were loser to 7. ALARM ALARM. Dr. says based on my IUI date we were right on track and that counting from the first day of my last period was not the best way to count seeing that we had an IUI date. OK I felt a little better but that didn’t answer why we came here.

She looked at my right ovary and low and behold there was a nice size cysts (fluid filled body). It was about 11.79mm. Next my left ovary and it had two cysts. Strangely they done hurt like the left ovary. Today I got to thinking about after reading through the first few chapters of what to expect when you’re expecting. I still have endo and while it subsides it doesn’t go away completely for everyone. So I know my right has more endo than the left and when I put to and to together this could explain the pain. The OB didn’t go over much her main task was just to check that there wasn’t an ectopic pregnancy.

We still have our appointment for next Wednesday which I am still nervous about. The ultrasound showed very little just a sac and a small blimp of something that could be the yolk starting to grow.

I decided I need to start trying to be more optimistic so I bought a pregnancy journal. I wanted to start tracking the moods cravings and so on. Even though I have this in my blog I thought handwritten notes would be more convenient.This is an Aedes albopictus female mosquito ob...

Ok I learned something new and while I might be a myth I find it to be true. Mosquitos like pregnant people more because we are warmer. I went to sleep with no bites woke up with about fifty bites on my arms and legs. hubby might have one or two bites and he slept next to me!! Oh my goodness I already have a problem with one bite itchy till it drives me crazy but 50!! Day one the bites weren’t so bad but by night I was starting to see them swell and get all big and blotchy. So I consulted dr. Google which said to use cortisone cream and I could take Benadryl but one article said to wait till 12 week to use it. Ahhh I toughed it out one night without it and woke at 400 in the AM thanks to cat but perpetuated by the itch.  As soon as hubby woke I asked him to run to the store ASAP to get the cortisone. Itch relief but not all day itch relief, by 5 I couldn’t calm the itch. I decide my sanity was yearning for the Benadryl. I had relief until I awoke this am at around 6am. But the itch was only in two small spots so I spot treated them and I am ok at the moment. What to do moving forward I am not 100% sure because there is conflicting stories on bug repellent during pregnancy. I wonder if that’s true for skin-so-soft by Avon?

I worry like a mad women, oh my this is going to be a lonnnnng pregnancy. My close friend said to save the worry for when my child is a teen. I don’t know if there is going to be a safe point where I can stop worrying, maybe 12 weeks? That sounds so far away and is there really any guarantee that 12 weeks is a safe point?? Maybe around 30 weeks I will stop worrying about the baby and start worrying about me wanting it to be over!!

To be far and make this not a blog about worry I and a pregnancy where all I do is worry, I am going to calm myself and will Dr. Google everything but only once a day.

Cheers,

Mrs. W

week 6.5 am i still pregnant

Chips Ahoy! chocolate chip cookies

Chips Ahoy! chocolate chip cookies (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

 

Hi everyone, sorry for my disappearance after my last post.  Nothing bad has happened we had a bit of an impromptu trip to southern California/Disneyland.

 

So my first three betas were; 38, 83, 516 so they doubled as hoped.

 

All I can think about for the last two days is that I am not sure if I am still pregnant. Why, because my cramps are subsiding and I don’t have morning sickness. My appetite has changed back to relatively normal. Sure there are other symptoms still there like my sore boobs, I haven’t felt my boobs up this much this often in my life, I strangely feel like a 12-year-old boy who is feeling boobs for the first time. Why do I feel them up so much… to see if I am still pregnant crazy I know but it’s my symptom.  Food has not really been amazing but I did have a strange craving for famous Ann’s chocolate chip cookies, how I know this is a craving is that never in my life have I wanted them. We were at whole foods when the craving came on so I bought some whole foods brand thinking this will work…WRONG. Went to target and found a box, I even opened the box (ok my husband opened the box) I eat the cookies in the store. While some of you might not think twice about doing this I have been big on never doing this because I was traumatized by my aunt at a young age.

 

I am going nuts over not knowing if this baby is there and is going to stick around. I even start to get some serious mood swings over it. They last about 10minutes and poor hubby gets the blunt of them. Oh other side effect that I don’t know is common but I am running so hot. I could live in an ice box and still be hot. Oh and I have itchy skin all over and if I scratch they turn into bumps. Does anyone else itch? I lathered up in lotion which helped some.

 

My first u/s is next Wednesday I should be 7.5 weeks. My friend and my hubby both think I should ask to come in sooner to help ease my nerves. But I am really trying hard to stick it out. Though I may lose my mind it will be worth it right!!!???? OMG I had a very graphic nightmare last night that I had M/C. Oh my gosh I woke up with a racing heart and great fear. To make matter worse I lied to my hubby again and told him I didn’t know what my nightmare was about. Why did I lie he wouldn’t of been mad or anything, its long to be a long week.

 

I am now going to go finish the box of cookies and take my 2nd prenatal. I got new ones from the health food store and they don’t make me burp B12 or fish and thus I will take them.

 

Fellow TTC’ers once you get a BFP the battle just begins while I am not sad and depressed like the end of most cycles I am going crazy trying to control my emotions of not getting too excited and emotions of is it over.

 

Sorry for my lack of posts I will be back in full force soon!

 

Cheers,

 

Mrs. W

 

Be prepare to beblown away

Are you sitting down??

Tuesday AM when i still had not seen AF i decided to do a HCG test. Nothing to abnormal right, another cycle another preg test. Well to be utter shock i got a BFP.

If you have been following my last few post i had written this cycle off and was looking into IVF. So i think i still don’t believe it to be true and either does hubby. Really i still keep check to see if Af is coming and with every lil cramp i think “Oh there it is”. I emailed my OB and she sent in for blood work. Which i still haven’t received the results from. However this morning i had another positive and tomorrow i go in for the 48hr blood work. Fingers crossed my numbers are doubling!! it will be a big hurdle for us to reach.

I we are in shock and it really isn’t sinking in. In fact when i showed hubby the positive test he went back to sleep after (WTF). I really don’t want to put the cart before the horse so i am not going to let myself get too emotionally attached as we all know so many things can happen in the next few weeks. I was going to wait to post this tomorrow or when we get some blood work confirmation but couldn’t hold it in.

We are happy but in shock and even a little what did we do. I guess this is what happens when you TTC. After nearly and a half and seven IUI’s countless meds we have a BFP. I cant tell you how strange it is to get to write this post, after reading so many others and slightly loosing a bit of hope with each passing cycle. I hope other TTC’ers find hope that it can and will happen for them too. I know it can be hard to read these post, but this is just as much a new journey of uncertainties starting for me.

Keep you posted!

Cheers,

Mrs. W.

Called the RE for another apt

So for those of you whom follow me you know i see and OB for my treatments (mainly because its covered my insurance). November of last year i saw the RE for the first time and she asked that we do two more IUI with my OB as the treatment plan would be the same with her except insurance wouldn’t cover it with her. Well on the third IUI after i saw her i realized i needed to push for the LAP because i thought i had ENDO, guess what i was right. Since then we where optimistic that we might now be able to conceive after the endo removal. We are currently on out second IUI after the LAP and Tues is the end of the TWW. However i am not feeling optimistic that i am going to get a BFP. Really i am feeling like i need to push for the next level of medications (injectables). I  have decided to ask my father for the money to cover the cycle and to see how it goes.

I called the RE’s office and we have an appointment for May 14! That will be one week into my next cycle.  i don’t want to skip a cycle because of the endo so i will continue on with Fermara from my OB. They also want more labs done and labs for the Hubby. I guess the labs for the hubby are standard for working with his samples basic infectious diseases.

My husband says i am pregnant so all this is wasted effort. I am not so sure my boobs are starting to feel sore and my appetite has changed all signs AF is almost here. I am preparing for it this time. I need to get everything out of the way so when it comes i am not struggling with emotions and pain that interfere with my life activities. I  know this is negative of me but i am trying to avoid the hurt that is going to come.

This month is going to be a good action packed month for me and the hubby. He is on vacation so we are going to drag our butts out and have adventures everyday. The dogs will reap the rewards!

Cheers,

Mr. W

5dp IUI admist the TWW

My posting has been quite erratic as of late due to the fact that when writing a research paper my focus is on gettin er’ done. When i last left off we where getting ready for IUI number 8 but at this point i have stopped counting even count the cycle because we are on cycle 17 what i am count is the number of cycle past the LAP. Our window to conceive after the LAP is about 6-8 months and we are in month two which scares me. The fright comes from if its going to happen and the unknown if it doesn’t (no game plan in 6 months). I am trying hard to stay positive and that it will happen! What will be will be.

Since the IUI my hubby has been very vocal about how hopeful he is this cycle. Normally he doesn’t really say much and the other night before we fell asleep he said he hopes we are pregnant this time. Then he keeps making jokes about my belly being his baking making machine. I casually laugh it off in hopes it really comes true. He also has brought the fact he really want just one of ours to be walking around. So sweet. I have yet to let his possible disappointment in infertility affect me because i am sure it would devastate me.

So far i have started the wonderful progesterone suppositories and last night the vivid bad dreams started! The worst part of the progesterone is the grossness but next tot hat is the horrible bad dreams it gives me. I awake from the bad dreams multiple times a night and usually i am hot and my heart is beating fast. In the end i can handle both those bad side-effects if it gives me the one BEST side-effect of a baby.

I am also working on my zen (less stress). I really try to avoid things that are going to get to me or at least I handle them in ways that are not going to effect me by stressing me out. So far I think I am doing a great job, but I am sure hubby might think differently.

Oh one thing i am not handling is the announcements of more pregnancies all around me! My misery needs company people!!! I mentions awhile back that a girl in my course is pregnant and she is about 7 months along luckily she is not all over the top about it and she keeps her misery (excuses) to a minimum. However another girl is accidentally pregnant, she thought she was done with her three kids and lo and behold she is pregnant again. While at first i was not over joyed because I worried I was going to have to watch her belly grow and not my own. but then last Tues she announced she is going to be leaving the coarse and switching to a different school. Though i wasn’t relived because i like her and wished she would stick around. THEN…. the girl next to be turns and asks if i have kids, i said no, she said GOOD and to wait as long as possible. I felt the urge to say i am an infertile climbing up my throat, and i swallowed several time in order to keep my embarrassment to myself. I responded if it happens it happens, then the subject changed. This was not isolated conversation though, it happened again with a different girl who i am bit more familiar. She wants a second baby and her husband doesn’t because the first is in her words their daughter is a terror. HHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA i wanted to scream that i would be happy with a terror i would cherish my child either way but didn’t. AND then another couple asked if we have kids my hubby said we are trying (which i thought was cute) then they followed by we should meet there   old because he will make us not want them. OH yeah and my friend that had her baby in Feb (she was my TTC buddy) told me she is not sending me pics or updates because she doesn’t think it will make my happy.

Low and behold i realize i need some new TTC buddies who aren’t pregnant, i need company and empathy. As much as i am so very happy to read about all my fellow TTC bloggers i am said that i am feeling more alone than ever on this journey. Though i find hope in there BFPs so keep em comin!

As i write this i am feeling a bit hormonal and on the decline of emotions as compared to this morning! Maybe i am crashing from the coffee i snuck in this AM.

Cheers,

Mrs. W.