brain

My brain isn’t working anymore….

This cycle I upped my Fermara to 5mg and my ovaries reacted accordingly so I should be ecstatic right?? But I am not, all I can think about is that for the last four months we had one possible egg this time it looks like there is potential for 5 eggs (good news right??). More eggs mean more chances but it also means more missed chances.  I am so was so excited until the IUI (IUI #4) and then I thought, oh my, what if it still doesn’t happen. My dr. briefly brought up the chances of multiples and I quickly shut her up by saying first let’s get pregnant then we will cross that bridge if we get there.

Luckily the holidays have helped keep my mind off TTC this cycle. I am eerily calm. Be not confused thought I still count the days to the end of my TWW at least once a day. I can test on new year’s day!

Thus IUI was more painful of the four; there was a good amount of cramping when he inserted the tube and even cramping (light) till later in the afternoon in my uterus. There was more blood discharge than any of the others which I have to assume came from the tube passing through the cervix. It wasn’t horrible or anything, just not the funniest IUI. It was also with the male dr. which in itself is a huge first. I have always disliked having any man prodding around down there so if it’s not my husband I am usually against it. However maybe since I have had so much poking and probing recently that I am starting to get used to people going in. My husband was in the room so maybe that helped to.

My hubby gave me my trigger shot again this cycle, he is very excited to do them which make me more nervous. This time he poked me a little hard but nothing a few minutes didn’t cure. Strangely I didn’t feel the side effects as strongly as last cycle.  Although my appetite is up!!! Trouble because I have already gained back 3 of the 6 lbs. I had lost. I am totally blaming the fertility meds and not the cookies I have been craving or the extremely lack of physical activity since my last trigger shot. I am in denial but I am content there right now so I will not be pushing the issue until I gain the last three lbs. back at which point I will hate myself.

Other good news was that half of my blood work reports came back and so far everything is neg. meaning I do not appear to have any autoimmune issues interfering with TTC. I did find that 10 vials of blood was a lot. I typically have trouble giving blood as techs have trouble getting a good vein and keeping a good flow. This tech she is a super star! She has done two of my blood works now, both large quantities and she has rocked them both with one poke each and minimal bruising.

Right now I am supposed to be writing a grad school paper that isn’t due until after the holidays but I wanted to get it started so I can relax during the festivities. It really isn’t going so well and my brain is sputtering and not focusing enough to understand the assignment.

Back to my paper I go…

Cheers,

Mrs. W.

current PCOS journey

16 years ago i just knew something about my cycles just wasn’t what everyone had described it to be, and so began the strange weight gain. At the time its was just hitting puberty weight gain, to me i was so confused.

12 years ago i felt this strange feelings that i just wasn’t going to be able to have kids. Oddly enough my sister was on her her third child in three years. I figure genetics say she is a fertile murtel and i was going to be an old maid.

8 years ago diagnosed with PCOS for the first time, total denial about what the diagnosis. So the weight just wouldn’t come off and i was starting to gain slowly but surely. First prescription for Metformin. Lost some weight in the following year but gained it back the next.

4 years ago diagnosed with PCOS again, new doctor wanted to be sure. My health was out of control it was all over the place, i had weight gain, high blood pressure, depression symptoms, headaches, and stress though the roof. Also had a job that was causing 95% of my problems. All the health problems i was haing were considered to be symptoms of PCOS.

8 months ago diagnosed with PCOS for another time. First time i had ultrasounds of my ovaries to visually confirm PCOS. New doctors and this time i wanted to start trying to conceive (TTC). At about the same time another doctor told me it wasn’t PCOS i had glucose intolerance which strangely enough is a symptom of PCOS. I  was back on Metformin off of any birth control and TTC.

2 month ago after 6 months of TTC naturally and with no positive OPK’s (ovulation predictor kits) i decide it was time to see the OB/GYN about trying something else. It was an awesome first meeting because she heard me out and we really were on the same page. She upped my Metformin to 1500mg and my next cycle i  would be days 3-7 25mg of clomid. Really exited to try it out and was to optimistic it would work.

1 month ago i started taking clomid. WHOA side effects day two was the most angry PMS symptoms i have ever had. Day 1 perfectly fine, no side effects thought i was in the clear. Day 2 i had some mild hot flashes in the evening thought maybe it was just the first heat wave of summer hitting me. Day 3 watch out I was so cranky and agitated for no reason. I swear my husband didn’t love me anymore even though he had been at work all day. Day 4 CRAVINGS after fighting them all day i finally conceded and went to the store bought 42$ of every random junk food i found, luckily it was just craving because the junk food lasted for the next three weeks. I also notice i stated to rub my belly and place my hands on it, it was mildly bloated but nothing major. This was eye raising for me because typically i hate my belly, it is usually one of my least favorite side effects of weight gain. Even my husband knows i hate him touching it.

  • CD14 (cycle day) i went for my first ultrasound to check for follicle growth, sadly nothing on my right ovary and on my left there was a medium size follicle. The follicle growth was on 14mm which is too small to ovulate an egg from it needs to be 21mm or more. My Dr. felt like it could possible continue to grow so i should come back in five days and recheck it. I  am not going to hide it but i was a little sadden and blue for the next few days but though there still might be hope.
  • CD18 follicle recheck, still nothing on the right but the left side had grown 4mm but was still only 18mm, not big enough to ovulate. We discussed our plain of action for the next month, i am upping the clomid to 50mg, and i am going to come in around CD16 this time because my natural cycles are a little longer than the normal 28 day. My cycles are between 30-34 days which is normal for PCOS.
  • CD40 I took as pregnancy test on and it was negative, with mixed emotion as i would of love a miracle. Since i never saw a positive on my OPK’s i figured i never ovulated, therefore i should of started my next cycle on CD34 but nothing has happened.
  • CD42 Sent my OB/GYN a e-mail letting her know where i was at and what she thought i should do next. Response: wait another week if the next cycle doesn’t start by then take another pregnancy test if neg we will discuss our next step.
  • CD43 Today! headache all morning during household cleaning could be allergies could just be a headache but i am not sure how i should be treating my current condition, do i act pregnant and psych my self into think so meaning no meds for headache and defiantly no allergy medications. Who knows i am just going to proceed with caution at this point.

To be continued…