Besides the every day thought of if this is ever going to happen I have had other random thoughts.
Today is CD7 day four on clomid, my emotions are not in check the last day or so. I have been melo, laughing, frustrated, angry (may of gotten in a fight with a baby gate cuz it wasn’t where it was supposed to be thus it got in my way), yelliNg, high blood pressure, strange dreams, woke up thinking negative thoughts, but now after a failed atempt of calming my thought I will hopefully type it all out of my head.
Part of me wonders if I have endometriosis? I have thought I may have it since I was in high school. I have such painful periods with heavy clothing bleeding. The pain is so strong my parents would give me some of there prescription strength meds to help me function on the first three days of my period. In high school and college if I didn’t take strong medications I couldnt attend class, I couldnt eat, I could barely get out of bed.
Really I just think my fears are getting the best of me. With each BFN HPT I start to think why???? Is there more wrong with me besides my PCOS, are we going to make a baby? I keep trying to tell myself to stop thinking about the wanting of a child to love. I worry that I want it too much. Hubby and myself have some much love to share that I think we might be driving ourselves stir crazy. Or at least it is for me!
Where do I go from here…. Today i am going to take it one step at a time, first breakfast maybe some quilting after that? Oh and I guess the fur babies would like to be feed too.
So here I go one foot in front of the other.
I did it i was able to get an ovary to grow a egg suitable for release. That took about 8 months, so for eight months i worked hard to get to this point but now what? Is my body going to release the right hormones on its own now? Are my chin hairs going to get thicker? Oh PCOS you are very puzzling!
These are just a few random thoughts going through my head. The biggest is IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING, COULD IT BE TRUE? Did i do everything right? I didn’t loose all the weight i wanted too? Am i taking enough vitamins? lordy i am a full of questions. To no avail my trusty internet and web forums are not helping.
All my go to sites talk all about getting to ovulation but then what. What does someone with PCOS do now?
Metformin, i am still only up to 1000mg, and i am scared to up it in the two week wait but it may stress my body. I also took a few day break from the prenatal vitamins but i am back on track with them. My blood pressure has be high the last week and i am not sure how i am going to get it back under control. I have been really active so i thought it would have brought i back down but nope hasn’t. I have been doing daily “meditation” really i am just focusing on my breathing and visualization which is what i consider my meditation. The meditation bring my blood pressure down very quickly, however it doesn’t have that long of a lasting effect.
I always try and avoid the Diet conversation because it is truly my weakest point. while i feel overall i eat good i defiantly have bad weeks and good weeks. It feels like a never ending cycle of really good weeks then not so good weeks of eating out. We know we need to work on this area and we do try hard. the last three weeks while the hubby was off work has been a roller coaster of good and bad days. Today is not the exception great breakfast not so good lunch and great dinner planned.