Ok let’s go back to last Wednesday I started having some discomfort in my right ovary and it perpetuated through the day and evening. I was getting concern not so much that it was ectopic but hopefully just a cysts on my ovary. Nerves galore and I finally broke down and called OB’s office on Thursday morning. At first they said come in at three then they called back and said come in at noon as there is a little room for concern. OK my heart was RACING and I super nervous and anxious. I was trying to stay in my happy place and breathe lots of breathing exercises.
Get to appointment get my vital and my heart rate was 136, that’s an all-time record for me. Normally my blood pressure goes way up but this time it was my heart rate. I felt like it was to be expected as I was so nervous to see what was going on inside.
Dr. found the sac in my uterus and she measured it at 5 weeks. OMG weeks I thought we were loser to 7. ALARM ALARM. Dr. says based on my IUI date we were right on track and that counting from the first day of my last period was not the best way to count seeing that we had an IUI date. OK I felt a little better but that didn’t answer why we came here.
She looked at my right ovary and low and behold there was a nice size cysts (fluid filled body). It was about 11.79mm. Next my left ovary and it had two cysts. Strangely they done hurt like the left ovary. Today I got to thinking about after reading through the first few chapters of what to expect when you’re expecting. I still have endo and while it subsides it doesn’t go away completely for everyone. So I know my right has more endo than the left and when I put to and to together this could explain the pain. The OB didn’t go over much her main task was just to check that there wasn’t an ectopic pregnancy.
We still have our appointment for next Wednesday which I am still nervous about. The ultrasound showed very little just a sac and a small blimp of something that could be the yolk starting to grow.
I decided I need to start trying to be more optimistic so I bought a pregnancy journal. I wanted to start tracking the moods cravings and so on. Even though I have this in my blog I thought handwritten notes would be more convenient.
Ok I learned something new and while I might be a myth I find it to be true. Mosquitos like pregnant people more because we are warmer. I went to sleep with no bites woke up with about fifty bites on my arms and legs. hubby might have one or two bites and he slept next to me!! Oh my goodness I already have a problem with one bite itchy till it drives me crazy but 50!! Day one the bites weren’t so bad but by night I was starting to see them swell and get all big and blotchy. So I consulted dr. Google which said to use cortisone cream and I could take Benadryl but one article said to wait till 12 week to use it. Ahhh I toughed it out one night without it and woke at 400 in the AM thanks to cat but perpetuated by the itch. As soon as hubby woke I asked him to run to the store ASAP to get the cortisone. Itch relief but not all day itch relief, by 5 I couldn’t calm the itch. I decide my sanity was yearning for the Benadryl. I had relief until I awoke this am at around 6am. But the itch was only in two small spots so I spot treated them and I am ok at the moment. What to do moving forward I am not 100% sure because there is conflicting stories on bug repellent during pregnancy. I wonder if that’s true for skin-so-soft by Avon?
I worry like a mad women, oh my this is going to be a lonnnnng pregnancy. My close friend said to save the worry for when my child is a teen. I don’t know if there is going to be a safe point where I can stop worrying, maybe 12 weeks? That sounds so far away and is there really any guarantee that 12 weeks is a safe point?? Maybe around 30 weeks I will stop worrying about the baby and start worrying about me wanting it to be over!!
To be far and make this not a blog about worry I and a pregnancy where all I do is worry, I am going to calm myself and will Dr. Google everything but only once a day.
I really want to say new attitude about TTC.
All i can think about is that we may have a small bit of money coming our way and i am torn between paying down our debt or trying a round of inject-able treatment. Would i regret this decision if the treatment doesn’t work or will i be over the moon if it does work… Really this is so tough in my mind it comes down to practicality and practicality will probably win out but if there is just enough i may go all in and try.
Sucky position to be in where i have to choose between trying for a baby (natural life path) or financial…
Hurt. Anger. Fear. Jealousy. Frustration. Sadness. Misery. Tense. Hopeless. Alone. Rage. Lost. Let down. Less than. Regretful. Unsure.
All these emotions are pouring through me, I started and very light spotting last night and it just confirmed my feelings of not being pregnant. Cried myself to sleep which is really rare but I just hurt. BFN just to confirm this morning.
I am completely aware that this is fairly normal for the end of another cycle when TTC for so long. I know I will overcome it and be strong again, but for the night I just needed to feel everything. Bummed it has to be New Year’s Eve as I don’t want to bring in the new year with such feelings. Good news in this dark moment is that I can drink but probably won’t as we are not much of drinkers, but I will have a coffee. Oh i can also stop taking the progesterone!!( thats almost the most exciting news all day!)
I am just so confused I really don’t know what else to do about getting pregnant. Why isn’t it happening? Is there something wrong that nobody is looking for? What should I be doing my doctor is giving me nothing besides basic medications and the RE doesn’t want to see me for another two cycles. I am scared I as another cycle passes I am becoming more hopeless. I sent my doctor the usual email telling her its CD1 (not yet but starting), and I asked if there is anything else she can look for to see what is happening and if there is anything medicated or un-medicated that I can do. We will see what she says.
Did anyone find a new trick to conceiving in there stocking this year that you want to share?
I am so worn out. I am just getting over a cold I had the last week and a half and I am over loaded with school work and the Christmas decorations are still up. All this was compounded by the fact I saw my closest friends new baby for the first time as she was in town visiting for the holidays. I started TTC three months before her and now she is holding a very beautiful precious 1.5 month old and I am still trying. It’s so hard because I had hoped we would be sharing in all this together. Instead I listen and learn from her which is fine but the timing could have been any worse to start spotting.
This week is going to be so busy- I have three class assignments due and a baby shower on Sunday, which I need to make a baby blanket for. I haven’t even bought the material yet!! The shower is also a supper club so I am making toad in the hole for and I have never made it and need to shop for it. We are slim on groceries. Cramps are coming in the next day or two which usually lay me out for a day. Boy oh Boy this will be an interesting week and all I really want to do is curl up and have a pity party or myself alone with my cats (dogs are on my annoying list at the moment). Did I mention one of the class assignments is a group activity so I need to meet with them at some point too? I am crying right now just because I don’t want to be strong and handle it all like I normally would; I just want life to be easy for once. I did survive the holidays so I will survive this week and the next.
For now I will drudge through and find hope in this new cycle.
Happy new year to everyone may it be filled with peace and love for you and your loved ones. I can only hope that next year is going to get better for me and my love.
Image via CrunchBase
I have been looking for things to help lower my stress and who knew Disney has a TTC website??
Check it out…
CD 5 on clomid and things are as bad as last month I take the pills at about 8pm which I believe is really helping. I have had some hot flashes and blurry vision but pretty calm otherwise. The calm is kinda strange it’s like i am medicate. I have done my visualization and positive thinking everyday which has been interestingly enough calming and helping keep my stress level down.
Big test of stress control will be tomorrow when the whole family (my side of the family) are getting together for my dads birthday. He thinks it will be his last ahh drama queen! Well my sister will be there with all five of her kids which is usually a circus act, one is always mad/happy/sad/tired/distracted. I think I will try and stay out of it all and keep to my husband and self for the dinner.
I made my follicle ultrasound appointment today it’s for Cd16 because my cycles have been on the longer side, the dr wants to make sure she is measuring the follicle size accurately and ovulation prediction.
And the journey continues,
- Fertility Vitamins and Prenatal Vitamins (familyandchild.wordpress.com)
- How To Get Pregnant (signsforpregnancy.wordpress.com)
- Fertility Foods (nourishingresults.com)
- How To Conceive A Baby Girl (mademan.com)