Surgery day!

Exploratory surgery 2/15/2013 Very long post, much over due…

Day after valentines’ day I had to check in at 630 AM. Going to bed was unsuccessful, while it wasn’t my nerves keeping me up I just had a rough night’s sleep on and off maybe I had about 5 hours of sleep.

I did wake up and shower which I wasn’t sure I wanted to do, because it was so freaking cold. But I did and I did not wash hair thinking it would be OK to look a hot mess on this fine day.

Pre-op 630AM

Pre-op 630AM looking AmAZinG in my heated hospital gown

Arrived for check in everything went smoothly there were only one other patient there that I was aware of.  It was a pretty quiet morning and all the nurses were quick to get me hooked up and ready. The pre-op room was so tiny though my hubby, I and a nurse barely fit. At one point there were three nurses me and hubby- Whoa. I was in really good spirits and keeping a brave face for the hubby as he was much more nervous than I. Away I went, but not before starting first injection of drugs and a nearly teary good bye to the hubby.

Oh wait I forgot- not good news, I read the post op care during pre-op and it said I was having a hystoscopy which I didn’t think they were doing and I read I would have a catheter for that. Note for everyone even if the nurse scheduling you for surgery tells you aren’t going to have a catheter prepa

re anyways. Ugh I didn’t trim or clean up down there since I didn’t think anyone would be heading that far south.  The surgical nurse said I am pretty sure even if you’re not having the hystoscopy (looking in my uterus) we will still be putting in a catheter. OMG! Embarrassed!!! Best thing is they put it in and took it out while I was under so it saved me some humility of seeing them foraging through my dark forest.

I go in gowned lay down; someone makes a joke and then lights out for me. I am still perplexed how they un-gown me and re-gown me all dead weight but maybe that is a mystery I don’t need to find an answer too.

Lights up, and hello pain and dry mouth and no hubby in sight. I really was hoping he would be right there when I woke up but I guess he was in is car instead of waiting room so it took him a few minutes to come back. Then I was like um did my period start cuz I gots bad cramps. Oh and I can’t talk because my mouth is so dry and my throat feels like I have sudden onset of strep. Nurse asked if I wanted a pain killer and I was like, will the pain go away on its own. She gave me the pain meds and I had relief long enough to get some ice chips and water. Then hello cramps again. The cramps where not the worst I have ever had but it was defiantly not a party I wanted to be at. Then the nurse asked if I wanted to take some Ibuprofen. Well surely she knows I haven’t had anything to eat in 12 hours, I say I can’t take those without eating? I can’t eat because I am in pain from cramps and what happened to the last dose you gave me 20minutes ago? Why has the pain come back so quickly? She goes on to say it’s a quick relief IV injection. Um hellllloooo are you serious! She gave me another dose and I realized as soon as I got relief Cue in handing me pictures of my innards. I think my hubby was the one to tell me that they found endo and the doctor told him they had cauterized it all. Anxiety Anxiety Anxiety!!! I was so upset I wanted to cry then I want a xanax. I didn’t ask for one because I didn’t know if it was appropriate. My blood pressure was fine though but still I was freaking out.

Caution: kind of graphic images stop looking now or scroll fast.

Left ovary and pretty pink uterus all look happy and healthy

Left ovary and pretty pink uterus all look happy and healthy you can also see my left tube

Behind my ovary and uterus "cult-d-sack" the arrows point to endo

Behind my ovary and uterus “cult-d-sack” the arrows point to endo

Right ovary and tube, it looks like there might be some endo on the tube

Right ovary and tube, it looks like there might be some endo on the tube

Small endo spots (red spots and bumps)

Small endo spots (red spots and bumps)

Big endo and looks like it may have trapped blood from my last cycle (not so good)

Big endo and looks like it may have trapped blood from my last cycle (not so good), oh and little zit like things are endo

Chicken pox looking endo

Chicken pox looking endo

I needed to eat so I could take the ibuprofen. They gave me saltine crackers OMG I still have dry mouth so the crackers are just sticking to my throat and choking me!!! But I managed to chock down four crackers and four cups of water, then took the ibuprofen.

The nurse said they had great muffins, sparking my curiosity because I know I would need to eat. She brought in a blueberry muffin that looked just like hospital food. This nurse must not have taste buds. I took a small piece and quickly realized BAD idea as it stuck to the back of my throat. I think they were trying to kill me (just kidding).

Cue pressure in my bladder, strange if they had a catheter in why would my bladder be full? So they took me to the bathroom. Lose my dignity a little because I am a modest person when it comes to my body and areas that don’t see the light of day so to have someone take off my hospital panties that had this huge hospital tampon was less than I would of liked.

Shortly after we headed home- One short stop at Panda Express. Hubby had to go to Costco to pick up the script of Norco. Whoa that’s a bit strong right!! I only took three of them over the next two days as I felt it was a bit strong for my pain.

Knock Knock Knock at the door from flower delivery man, while I was surprised I was also think oh man I look amazing! First I thought the hubby got me flowers which was strange because he has just gotten me some two days prior for valentines’ day. Low and behold my dear friend who just had her baby sent them to me. Oh and did I cry. Maybe it’s the drugs but I was supper emotional after the surgery.

FYI

Gas pain like no other! It felt like I sliced something open but it was just gas pains lord almighty that was painful. And your uterus will bleed a bit in anger from its trauma.

I have a post of check in a week so I will wait to hear what my OB thinks about the severity of the endo. Dr. Google makes me think it is very mild. Most are pretty young in development except the one in the “cult-d-sack” behind my uterus. I am working hard to be optimistic because right now IVF isn’t an option for us because of the cost.

Cheers,

Mrs. W.

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Nearly recovered from surgery Friday, at least physically

I must start by saying I am very sad that they found “endo”, I don’t know why I am taking it so heard. It just feels like another setback or possibly and ending to our TTC. The endo isn’t “BAD” its pretty mild most in early stages. I haven’t talked to my doctor directly but she told hubby everything looked good and they got most of it. However my OB even said it’s a double whammy. So far I am healing fine; surgery wasn’t bad in fact the worst part is that I have a continuing sore throat.  Ii promise to post more later but for now I am not sure what I want to say.

Surgery Week! eek

Come this Friday I will know if I have endometreosis or not because I am going under the knife. I am not even a little bit scared yet!! I am truly happy to have this surgery as it may bring answers to our infertility or could leave us searching for more answers.  Either way I am looking forward to getting it done and moving forward.

Currently we are unsure if we should be trying this cycle as the surgery falls on about the day I am due to ovulate. Trying is not going to hurt right? I am not medicating this cycle and I am not sure if I will pee on any sticks, seeing as it will be Valentine’s Day a little baby dancing would just be coincidental.

Speaking of Valentine’s Day, how do infertiles celebrate the day if timing is an issue? Luckily not a problem for me this year, wow for once timing is not going to be an issues (CRAZY). For me this is a hard month, first a very close friend had her baby which had been harder for me to deal with than it has been during her entire pregnancy. Second this is the month I really wanted to have a baby, I know it’s strange but I just find this month lovely for a child’s birth. What can I say I really want to be a romantical person.

Grad school side note: Coincidentally I have a school project right now on teen pregnancy and my section deals with prenatal health and nutrition and genetics. Oddly enough I feel like I am an old pro at all this topic, not that I have been pregnant myself but that I have read and prepared for it that I could do the presentation off the top of my head.  My sister was also a teen mom and I actively watch the MTV show Teen Mom so I am an expert right? The thing is I have not shared my infertility struggles with anyone in the class and I am not comfortable doing so yet, therefore my expertise will have to be kept to myself.  I have I mentioned the classmate that accidentally got pregnant, oh my it is going to be a challenge of my strength to watch her belly grow and hear about her pregnancy drama as everything in her life is DRAMA (this is my vent as I would never say something negative to her or let my judgmental attitude be heard out loud).

Blogging side note, so many fellow infertile bloggers are getting pregnant and while I am a tab bit jealous I am find it hopeful that if they can do I can too. However I am notice a decline in blog posts from some of you, you being pregnant or have given birth makes me so curious to know where there journeys’ have been going. I am sure they are all very busy but I still wonder about you….

Just in case things get busy for me this week HAPPY VALINTINES DAY! May cupid find you some love.

Cheers,

Not MIA

I am not MIA i have just had some technical difficulties again- due to the fact i am too lazy to go to the desk top computer in our office(room) and not try and post from my Ipad which hasn’t been working since the new updates.

I  am in a melancholic state with TTC. I don’t know what direction i am going i feel very uncertain of what the next plan is. One thing i do know for sure it that i want a baby/children. That sentence break my heart to write because i want something so bad and it is completely out of my control. Though i have doubted even that in the last couple of days trying to play devils advocate with myself to see how people who don’t have children what to stay childless.

I  had another failed IUI last month which makes 6 failed IUI’s. The positive in that is i produces at least 6 follicles large enough for ovulation, down side none of them stuck.

Do i have endometerosis i don’t know, my doctor does not know and all she says is that it requires surgery and that is a “REAL” surgery. Together me and hubby decided it would be better to know if i had endo because other wise we are wasting our efforts and our emotions for nothing. Sound great right?? Well now i am trying to find out more about this surgery like when we can have it and will insurance cover it. I am even wondering if this is what we should be doing. I am thinking i am going to call the RE office and ask for another consult. With that i am not sure what she will say so maybe i should just call and get another consult appointment.

We are working on proceeding with adoption however i know soon that we have to tell them that we are going stop fertility treatments because we are not allowed to be in treatment for fertility while trying to foster to adopt. Ii don’t want to stop ever until i make a baby but i also want to adopt there in lies a problem.

just another rambling,

Mrs. W.