AF hunger anyone

So I have been noticing a pattern in the las eight months my appetite drops off completely just before AF gets here, then AF is here and I NEED to eat. Not always especially when the cramps are present. Those cramps force me to eat just so I can take some pain pills.
Anyone else deal with this delima? I want to keep to a diet but man right now the urges are winning out.
These are just some random thoughts I was having, I have looked up the eating pattns and they are completely normals and some research says you can eat more calories during your flow because your body is burning them, but in my case I need to burn more all the time.
Have a great day today!
Mrs W.

Next cycle has begone

So happy today AF showed up! Strange it was out of nowhere, just bam! I am happy because I thought it was going to be another long cycle.
I have been thinking a lot about my health and how aware of any health issues I have. I don’t dwell on them pre say but I do want to change it and fix what I can before it gets more out of hand.seems like the typical fix is more diet and exercise….. Time to stop fighting it and do it, I will be a better person health and all.
This week I am surrounded my pregnant friends but I am handle it pretty well so far.
I am excited to start a new drug, so far from everything I have read say fermera won’t be nearly that strong of side effects. Here goes nothing!
Another good thi gs the weather has been pretty tolerable this summer.
Cheers all,
Mrs W.

Blood test results in….

So I had my blood work done to check my micro nutirents levels cuz I was feeling pretty crudy and starting to worry myself. RESults where that my  vitamin D levels we really low and my blood sugar was up not extremely high  but not in a good range at all. My vitamin D was an easy fix I am taking supplement twice a day. Now my blood glucose levels have me freaked out! My doctors just says diet and exercise more, ugh. Why why why does it have to be another bad thing? Oh PCOS you are clearly not a nice friend.

So back to working out more and eating a low sugar diet. Why do I feel like I am always fighting an up hill battle? I am pretty sure I have had PCOS since I hit puberty and have always had to watch my food and exercise. While others around me don’t seem to have the same struggles. Enough with the whoa is me, it really could be worse and I am thankfully for that. I just need to start stepping up my game, I really would like to lose 30 pounds before I get pregnant, I am going to start focusing moor on that goal and less on all the fertility stress. The rollercoaster of fertility meds. I really whish I could lose weight trust me I have tried, I really want to know how other PCOS cycsters do it?..

So I hit the gym pool the last two days day one nice pregnant lady came and spoke to me ughhh jealousy only peaked a little that I wish it was me too. Then yesterday during my morning swim another pregnant lady, it was her first and she was one of those pregnant lady’s that even other pregnant ladies love to hate because she had barly and weight gain and hardly any stretches marks. She was showing it off too in her two piece!  Luckily during my night swim yesterday no babies in sight.

Today I am off to one of my college freinds husbands bday party, my hubby is coming thanks god because besides my friend and her husband I will know no one else. She is three months along so I am happy to see her progress. She is not excited yet though because she miscarried at three months in January. 

Next weekend is my other closest friends baby shower she is having a girl so I am very happy for her! But not sure how my emotions are going to hold up. 

It’s going to be an interesting week! Oh still waiting for AF on CD 33, afraid it’s going to be a long cycle.

Feeling Metformin is becoming normal

Some days are fine somedays not so fine, I can see the correlation of what I eat. Some of my favorites like chipotle are not agreeing with me these days. It’s been funny because my appetite has been shrunk (which according to my weight may not be such a bad thing). I can’t seem to eat as much either, but then it feels like I am weak and my blood sugar is low.  I am treating it like a trial phasse to see what sets me off.

Some days I think why am I doing this to myself and is this worth it? The answer always comes back to the realization of how much I would love to enjoy our baby. I do have thoughts of what if it never happens, should we be looking into adoption more, and am I becoming diabetic. These are just my fears coming forward.

On another topic, I found a job posting for a dream job I would love to have. Strangingly I am feeling discouraged about even getting the application together. I think I am afraid the the outcome of possibly bein a let down. I really don’t want to live my life in fear of let’s down to the point where I am even afraid to try for things I want.

This journey is really taking ahold of my life, more than I realize at times. I want to be proud when I look back on journey, maybe I should start looking at it more carefully from that point of view. I know the only way I can sleep easier is knowing I am trying everything to the  best of my ability.

Just my thoughts for this afternoon!

Cheers,

Mrs. W

Another cool summer day

Its is an amazing cool summer day pretty unheard of for mid July around these parts. I have gotten some home chores droning mainly cleaning the never ending cycle of cleaning.
Metformin…. Love to hate it these days, since I upped my metformin to 2000mg per day, starting last week which means my hind gut is not a happy camper. I did a small bit of research yesterday on metformin and was slightly shocked at what I found.
Studies have shown that it doesn’t help with fertility when combined with clomid the out comes where about the same in studies where clomid on its own and met itself and then a third group where they took both. I am kinda in shock because I was very much under the belief that it’s was better when in combination.
These days I really am not a fan of the metformin side effects and really want to stop taking it, but there is that part of me that thinks that I could use any help I can get. But my quality of life may be being effected more than I like. What if I continue on this route for the next year+ knock on would it doesn’t happen. But what if? I am not sure if this is great for my quality of life. Anyone else faced this delima?
This is the first time in the last few cycles where I am wanting AF to visit me I am very excited to be off the clomid this round and start fermera.
Xoxo
Mrs. Wuestewald

Coffee cuz I ant preggers

Oh yeah I had a big whopping cup of iced coffee today on the way to the dog park! Sorry to all you pregnant ladies out there but if you get to be pregnant and I don’t then I get to have me a ice coffee, lol. My gosh it’s feels overstimulating good. Its been so long, this could be the coffee talking but man I don’t feel sad right now. I also got my blood pumping and some sun rays while taking my girls to the dog park. Though I felt a little peeved because it was my escape from pregnancy thoughts until a new mom showed up with here preciouse newborn strapped to her chest. I couldn’t help but imagine me doing the same thing. The weather is amazeballs here because there is an amazing sea breez blowing across the land and after triple digit heat it feels cold here. I say all us TTC’ers go have some coffee today it’s nice (avoid the sugar beverage though).

Clomid in my system

So the clomid I took 13 days ago still seems to in my system ugh without an ovulation I could feel the effects until AF visits. It sucks to have symptoms of first trimester but not be anywhere near a pregnancy. Anyone know of ways to help with the symptoms?

Starting a new again

Have you missed me? I have been pretty hit and miss on postings lately. I must apologies I just haven’t been feeling all myself, today. Is a new day. I am not going to let a the hormons or the unanswered wishes get the best of me. Many of posts were started but none published, I have been keeping up on the reader, not many comments but some likes.

I am not going to hide the fact that I am struggling right now. Life has gotten the better of me and I am a bit lost to figure out what my role is and how I fit in.  Life has thrown me  a few curve balls and now I just need to figure out how I am goingto hit them out the park.

So this cycle was a complete wash for me , being that my last cycle was the first that I probably had a true ovulation with a rip follicle, I was planing to have another ripe ova this cycle. Well that would just be to easy now wouldn’t it! Clomid defiantly not very friendly to me I was feeling all the side effects. Those sideffects combined with the facts that I didn’t get a BFP was just cruel.

Oh the tears but for happy things, I found myself crying because others where having good things happen for them this was a first for me. I don’t cry over stuff unless it’s a goodbye,goodbyes always get me. Sort of surprising was i shed no tears this cycle after either of the ultrasounds. Both showed no promising follicle sizes, a few small ones and one medium 17mm. Bummed out but the dr. Decided to change things up and try out femara. It was a little bit surprising but I think she was trying to avoid upping my clomid to 150 mg , because IUI would be needed at that level. I was kinda looking forward to the next step with IUI, but femara looks just as promising.

I am not sure which was worse the TWW with a neg or the fact that this cycle is a wash with no real hope for a BFP. I am also bummed because without the ovulation my cycle will probably long which means the next chance is going to be longer than I would like. With all that said let the journey continue…

New medication regiment:

Metformin non sustaine release 2000 (highest I have ever taken)

FamAra 2.5 mg (first time use) days 3-7.

I had a baby dream

Last night i had a dream…. We had a baby it was months old but then it could walk and singing along to a DVD. Random I know but it is the first time I dreament of use having a child. It really really made me happy I felt like it may be a sign that we are on the right path and that one day we will have one.

Today is cd10 and I was supposed to OPK this AM but I flub it all up. First I forgot then I was like oh shoot and was able to get a small bit more pee out only to then drop the cup as I reached for the OPKs. It’s not prefect but it is what it is.  Today we start doing the deed every other day.. Sounds simple right?.. No clomid has been drying me out and making it really uncomfortable  so attempt one not so great.

I have been reading a lot about women’s taking mucinex to thin out there mucus so starting tomorrow I am going to start taking it so it will be in my system for ovulation. This should help with the deed and getting the spermatids to the top of my tubes. I haven’t read much about  it doing more harm than good.

Last night was nice and quite fourth of July, we stayed home got some KFC and where able to watch several firework shows from just outsiDe our house, bonus to live in flat farm country.

Mrs. W

TTC thoughts for the week

Besides the every day thought of if this is ever going to happen I have had other random thoughts.

Today is CD7 day four on clomid, my emotions are not in check the last day or so. I have been melo, laughing, frustrated, angry (may of gotten in a fight with a baby gate cuz it wasn’t where it was supposed to be thus it got in my way), yelliNg, high blood pressure, strange dreams, woke up thinking negative thoughts, but now after a failed atempt of calming my thought I will hopefully type it all out of my head.

 

TMI warning!

Part of me wonders  if I have endometriosis? I have thought I may have it since I was in high school. I have such painful periods with heavy clothing bleeding. The pain is so strong my parents would give me some of there prescription strength meds to help me function on the first three days of my period. In high school and college if I didn’t take strong medications I couldnt attend class, I couldnt eat, I could barely get out of bed.

Really I just think my fears are getting the best of me. With each BFN HPT I start to think why???? Is there more wrong with me besides my PCOS, are we going to make a baby? I keep trying to tell myself to stop thinking about the wanting of a child to love. I worry that I want it too much. Hubby and myself have some much love to share that I think we might be driving ourselves stir crazy. Or at least it is for me!

Where do I go from here…. Today i am going to take it one step at a time, first breakfast maybe some quilting after that? Oh and I guess the fur babies would like to be feed too.

So here I go one foot in front of the other.

Mrs. W

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