The last two weeks where not all that great for me, between the fighting with my husband to our youngest fur baby lost for two days to today when I got a BFN and AF in the same day.
I haven’t posted much lately just because my mother always inforced in me that if you don’t have something positive to say why say anything at all? Well it’s just been a bit of a low time for me. I am truly thankful that nothing seriously bad has happened in my life, I am even more grateful our fur baby tut came home unharmed. We even had a nice half day at the lake where we both got a bit too much sun but the dogs had a blast swimming for the ball.
Starting about seven days ago I started to have mild cramps which is very unusual for me. I have never had cramps other than cd1 of any cycle of my life. I knew this could be implantation cramps which is very normal. The cramps continued all week, they were never that bad. In fact I would be happy to have those cramps as my period cramps always. Besides the cramps I didn’t feel pregnant not that I would know what that feels like. I have been tired the last three days and food hasn’t been all that appealing.
Friday I had the interview with the recruiter, which was the worst interview of my life. To quickly sum it up I was late because my navigator told me the wrong location even though left plenty early. So the interviewer had already judge me! It just got worse and worse she said she will check my references and get back to me! I beat myself up for a moment then told myself what is meant to be will be. There is another job outside my field that I got my eye and really excites me.
This is going to sound very liberal and maybe a little bit crazy but Right now I am trying to let life guid me, I am trying to be open to new avenues. I want not force my wants instead try and see if my direction of career should be in a new arena. Oprah said once that you have to be open to the whispers around you, and if you are lucky you will hear them when they are just soft whispers. Well I am open and I am listening for them.
Now back to reproduction talk, I tested last night and this morning both negative. Boo! Then this afternoon I started cramping worse and then stared spotting. So I sent the dr a email to send in my script for clomid. It’s good that we already have a plan for this month. Clomid days 3-7, Then ultrasound cd16, if follicle is measuring 21cm I get a trigger shot! Excited to try again, sad to have to try again. Fingers crossed no more weight gain!
My plane is to talk with my husband tonight and have heart to heart, I love him and want him to be my partner in life and i need to let him know how i exactly I am needing his support.
A new moths is about to begin and anew cycle is starting a fresh beginning!
So I haven’t been sure what to post this week. Today is 10dpo I have been told I could test tomorrow but it may be to early. I am so nervous to test this cycle. For the first time I don’t feel like I am remotely pregnant ( not even sure if I would know). Besides some sore nipples and strang gas I don’t have anything going on. This is cd26 and AF isn’t expected for at least 8 days.
Tomorrow I have a job interview that is a 45min commute, which is not impressing me and I really don’t want to go but I will. I did however find a posting for a job that would be a dream job for me. It would be extremely life fulfilling. I am nervous though because it is not the field or even closely related to thE field I have been working in for the last 4 years. I am going to try for it though.
On a sad note on of our “babies” have gone missing our youngest cat baby “tut” has been missing now for two days which is extremely unlike him. He was my hubbies buddy, so it’s been hardest on him. It is the second cat of ours to go missing, about a year apart. They are totally missing no trace. We went to the shelter today to take a look for him, it broke my heart. I wanted to take them all home with me. You can really tell that they used to be someone’s baby. Breaks my heart to know they could be missing and may get put down soon. Ugh tearing up just writing about it! I prayed today that tut would come game tomorrow and I am trying so hard to stay positive for us both.
I cant seem to see my own blog, it type in the address and nothing ever comes up. Anyone know what i am doing wrong???
So last few days (2) have been ruff between me and my husband. Has the pressure of making a baby finally gotten to us. We have had a huge blow up then a crash and burn out. Here is my side of things, I was on such a high on Monday finally a positive on the ovulation test, dr said that there was a nice ripe egg ready to burst out. The news couldn’t of been better. When I got home and told the hubby I was like we need to do the deed, with a little resistance from him but we went and got it done in a very timely fashion. It was very necessary to be timely and quite because we where leaving to go floating down the American river and my niece was staying with us. It was a very nice time floating from 1230-630.
Day two,48 hours post positive OPK (yeah). You are supposed to time it out every 24 hours. So I ask the hubby are you ready… His answer NO, I am tired. ahhhhhhhh so utterly frustrating. Understanding that we had a busy day the day before I gave him some Time to rest. 5hrs later, how about now? Dragging his feet the whole way we attempted but no completion. 12 hours from the 24 hour mark a fair bit of yelling and fight about my frustration and extreme disappointment and with much luring we finally got it done. We made up from the fighting and relaxed till we fell asleep.
I am really feeling like I put a lot of work into getting to this point and its his turn to do his part and he is dragging his feet. Not only that but where is enthusiasm, there was not fore thought coming from him. I get that he is tired but its time there is no way around it that its time. Honestly i feel bad for him not being able to fallow through but there is no time for a petty party we both have to suck it up and take care of what is needed.
24 hours from the completion of the last deed which is 84hours from positive OPK and dr appointment. Are you ready i ask… response no! arghh really really i just couldn’t hold back my frustration and disappointment. But i did so i could get him to at least try, but trying didn’t work. I asked is there was anything we could try different and we tried different positions but it didn’t happen. So i thought lets take a break have dinner relax a bit more then come back to it. He agreed so we did. As we relaxed he started to drift asleep. Mind you i knew he was tired earlier in the day so i lured him into a nap. Well as we made it to the bedroom his content for the deed was ever so present and i just could take it anymore. He slept in another room and we didn’t speak till the next evening, i was too disappointed. I still am hurt and upset it was finally our shot and we may have blown it not to mention the stress on me wasn’t going to help the situation.
I truly feel bad for telling him how disappointed in him i am, i feel like i shouldn’t of told him that but at the same time i feel like he needed to know. Has TTC gotten the best of us.
I know we will recover from this but it wasn’t good timing. I have read about many couples experiencing the same thing but it seems like you are not supposed to talk about it, well i am. Its not pretty but its real.
I did it i was able to get an ovary to grow a egg suitable for release. That took about 8 months, so for eight months i worked hard to get to this point but now what? Is my body going to release the right hormones on its own now? Are my chin hairs going to get thicker? Oh PCOS you are very puzzling!
These are just a few random thoughts going through my head. The biggest is IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING, COULD IT BE TRUE? Did i do everything right? I didn’t loose all the weight i wanted too? Am i taking enough vitamins? lordy i am a full of questions. To no avail my trusty internet and web forums are not helping.
All my go to sites talk all about getting to ovulation but then what. What does someone with PCOS do now?
Metformin, i am still only up to 1000mg, and i am scared to up it in the two week wait but it may stress my body. I also took a few day break from the prenatal vitamins but i am back on track with them. My blood pressure has be high the last week and i am not sure how i am going to get it back under control. I have been really active so i thought it would have brought i back down but nope hasn’t. I have been doing daily “meditation” really i am just focusing on my breathing and visualization which is what i consider my meditation. The meditation bring my blood pressure down very quickly, however it doesn’t have that long of a lasting effect.
I always try and avoid the Diet conversation because it is truly my weakest point. while i feel overall i eat good i defiantly have bad weeks and good weeks. It feels like a never ending cycle of really good weeks then not so good weeks of eating out. We know we need to work on this area and we do try hard. the last three weeks while the hubby was off work has been a roller coaster of good and bad days. Today is not the exception great breakfast not so good lunch and great dinner planned.
Was really happy to see a fant positive again this morning, it was a little difficult to get the deed done so it didn’t get done till 8 later than it should of. I also broke my stress free streak I had a very stressful day. I therefore lost my positivity and thought some neg thoughts about this cycle. It I am happy to report I am back in controll and hopeful this will still be our month.
Truth #5 (Photo credit: Selbe B)
Can it be true am I really ovulating? This morning my ovulation predictor was really close to having two equally pink lines…. Then at my CD16 follicle check there it was a “giant” (to me) follicle about a size 23.7. My face lit up when I saw it, it was my first. My utErus lining was great too. I am sure that this good news was how some people feel when they find out they are pregnant. I was elated it may be very possible that I can get pregnant this cycle, whoa. I am even having cramping on my right side. Today felt so good, finally good news for a nice positive change.
Still doing the positive thinking and visualization technique. Slight bad news is that I gained 3 pounds in 45 days.ahhhhh I was doing so well going down. I have heard of others gaining 10+ lbs on clomid, so I am positively spinning it that I did well.
If I get another positive the next two days it’s real I am really going to ovulate this cycle. Even better is that if I have a next cycle then I can do a trigger shot, if another cycle I get to do IUI. I love having a plan easies my anxiety.
To celibrate we DTD then we went rafting down the American river. My good friend her bump, her husband, my husband, and my niece all floated all day it was nice to soak up some rays.
I was thinking of taking mucinex to help get my juices flowing, I am not sure if I am going to do it yet? Any opinions?