Cycle … i lost count

CD14 follicles check…

Ok, had to have my follicle check on CD14 because CD15 lands on a Saturday. Wasn’t sure what I was expecting because last cycle things were all over the place. But I was pleasantly surprised to see three yes THREE follicle all in nice sized. Though Dr. says that the second on my left ovary had some shading and it might not be good. Strange though he didn’t try and move the wand around to get a clearer pic which is what my regular Dr. does. So I am like OK whatever, there’s still two! One is 17mm and the other 2 are 15mm. So I am going back in on Sunday (on call Dr.) to see about triggering that night.

This news is very exciting because my left ovary has been a little bit lazy lately. Which wouldn’t matter much except I am hopefully that my left ovary will produce the winning egg that make it into my uterus. My logic is that the left has less endometriosis than the right has.

This post was interrupted because I had to run back to the office to get my trigger injectable to take on Sunday night and forgoing going in on Sunday for another follicle check, doing this all before the office closes for the weekend. .. Ahh!! my OB office is a mad house there is always a different girl working the front counters and hardly ever do they know how to book the appointments that I need. Then once they figure out how to book the appointment there is never any time slots available with any of the five OB’s. This used to stress me out but for some reason I am getting used to this B.S. of knowing they aren’t going to be able to schedule me in for my IUI because there is short notice (3 days).  Deep breaths!! It’s no wonder my blood pressure sky rockets every time I go in for appointments first I am fighting fertility then I am fighting for appointments.

On to a better topic, what I am going to try this cycle… I am researching what to eat around or after ovulation. I have heard the pineapple core but and all the lists of what not to have i.e. caffeine, green tea, soy products, alcohol… but I am more interested in what to take. Love it if anyone has any suggestions.

For those of you followers sorry I have been a bit MIA lately, I think this was a very melancholy time for me. I have been a bit down on myself and have lack motivation. I know I am not depressed but I am really feeling the effects of the meds these days. No worries as I am sure I will pull myself out of it soon as I am sure I just needed to not fight the feelings and instead let me feel the hurt and sadness of the journey I am on.

Today i am off to celebrate my nieces 12th birthday at an indoor trampoline park, hope i don’t bounce my eggs out!

Cheers, Mrs. W

 

I survied another week with no bun in the oven.

I survived the last week’s daunting stress of assignments and a baby shower dinner and everything else. I was however pleased that nearly everyone else in the class struggled with the paper that was due.

I have reached a new point in this journey to making a baby. I have stopped thinking about making a baby every other minute and now it’s down to about three times a day. Maybe it’s partially that the holidays seasons are coming to an end and that I started grad school but never the less I have shrunk all the thinking and worrying down to a minimal and manageable amount.

New things I want to start trying outside the realm of western medicine are, acupuncture, chiropractor and herbal remedies (fertilaid). Seeing that I am supposed to ovulate this Wednesday I need to get on the ball for this cycle. I am also really trying to reach my subconscious through visualization so it really knows what I want.

At night I have been trying to meditate myself to sleep via visualization techniques. Strange side effect I have been having crazy dreams again, I don’t know what they mean but I know I don’t like them.  They aren’t TTC related at all. They tend to be me all crazy aggressive and fighting sometimes family members trying to hurt them with no avail. Its nuts!

I know I am not supposed to stress on things buts it’s so hard to not be able to control making a baby as it is supposed to be something we are designed to do. I am by no means mad at my body I just worry about the ifs. Manly what ifs of what’s next and can we afford it. By now with the money we have spent on TTC I could have furnished a nursery (not at all that I know because I like to look around).

So that’s where I am at the moment more to come after this week’s appointments!

Cheers,

Mrs. W.

 

Last cycle for the year and start for next year

You know it’s the end of a cycle when you eat a plate of mini chocolate chip cookies (by yourself) and watch lifetime Christmas movies and contemplate a stiff drink even though you just took a Motrin for cramps. Days like today I wish I was a drinker, I often wonder what happened to the girl I was in college, I drank pretty regularly.

I must say it hurts to know this is another cycle coming to an end with no happy ending, I kind of wish I could of at least made it 14DPO so I could test. I can help but think there is something that the dr is missing maybe there is something else wrong. They don’t seem to think anything else is wrong besides my PCOS. I worry about endometriosis but I briefly brought it up and she didn’t even bat an eye and moved on.

The analyzer in my wants to start researching heavily to see what else I need to be doing. I know there are many other things out there to try. I will start back on the CoQ10 and maybe order the fertility tea, and I must make an appointment with a chiropractor. Not only has be back been all out of place but I read it may help with fertility. Two birds with one stone would be nice. I really have researched a lot but I feel like I am so unsure what will really help and why others do without it and get knocked up all the time.

It’s time to also start back to exercising every day, I stopped because I was frustrated that it didn’t help me get pregnant, I know you have to do it for a while but I had lost hope in it.

Emotions today : I have cried three times today over TV movies and missing friends far away. Ii am not a big crier so this isn’t the norm for me.

Positive attitude to trying again this month, I have gone back and forth in my mind if we should medicate again this cycle or skip one but I know my hubby wants to do all in our powers so I will medicate again. I have no real problem with it at all.

Does anyone know what it means if AF shows up before 14DPO comes?

 

pos OPK and trigger 2 days later, say what!

Friday my OPK was nearly pos i would call it pos, Saturday it was definably pos but my doc on Friday wanted me to trigger Saturday night @ 10pm for a 36hour window to IUI on Mon morning at 9am. I am so confused this goes against everything i have researched and been told by my other doctor. Just to cover my bases we did the baby dance on Thursday, and Saturday and i debating on if we should do it today or save up the little egg fertilizers till Monday.

Trigger injection my self sure no problem but the dosage had me all off. Because i had to do the trigger myself last night at 10pm  they gave me the bottle to mix and then inject which was all fine and dandy, until i realized what the nurse giving the instructions said and how you normally mix a bottle. She said take 1ml of the liquid and add it to the powder bottle. OK EXCEPT its a 10ml bottle and if i did that i would be giving myself one strong dose of hcg. So i did what i though was safe and added all the liquid to the bottle and gave myself a 1ml shot of it. I really didn’t want to run the risk of overstimulating myself, worse case i didn’t give myself enough and therefore didn’t trigger. Good news it the bottle doesn’t expire until 60days so one expensive could be three!

Oh the stress this week, i am just on edge this week all the things are aggravating me to the point where i am stress. This isn’t that normal for me, i can normally calm down and build back up to aggravation but not this last week.

The last couple of cycles i have noticed a trend, the day after my LH surge i begin having trouble sleeping. Ii can not stay asleep as long as i would normally even if i am tired. I also tend to toss and turn during the night and have to use the bathroom in the middle of the night.  Strange right, i guess everything is fare game in the journey to pregnancy.

When i saw the RE i brought up the fact that 3DPO i have trouble between breakfast and lunch with my blood sugar plummeting, only for 4days and she recommend that i half my morning metformine. This is good news but i am confused now on which DPO i am because of this wired IUI triggering.

In GOOD news, i had TWO large follicles this cycle. One was measuring right on and the other was slightly smaller (hence the reason she may have wanted to wait to trigger). This is news for me because the last three cycles i have only had one follicle. Even with this news i will be asking to up my Fermar to 5mg, if a next cycle comes. Another bit of good news with how busy i am TTC is not on the for though of my thoughts like it has been for the last year.

Admission of guilt, i have been having coffee the last two week, not that i have been needing it tremendously it has just been helpful with all the business. I feel guilty because i know i should be having it but with that said here are my rationals; i only have a cup a day with sugar free foofy, and i am not in my TTW. So its OK right?

Heavy hearted

 

My ooh my WordPress hates my iPad. Finally I was able to login after a week. Feels strange when I can’t read or post, almost like my routine is all a miss.

 

14dpo today. Tested against my better judgment got a BFN.

 

I wasn’t sad or upset, guessed I am getting used to it. Is this a bad sign? Is it a coping mechanisms ? Have I given in on the idea I can’t get pregnant?

 

Tonight I watched the season premiere of greys anatomy, I have been loyal fan since day one and even while I was abroad for a year. Well shocker it was sad, surprisingly once I cried I was emotional. Quie in my good friend who is a month away from due date, she asked about my cycle and I just keep crying. Oh boy I am emotional,  all the crying opened the flood crates of emotion.

 

(This was all written yesterday, could not finish)

 

Today I have felt the urge to cry, no tears came. Fears enveloped me, thoughts that I won’t be able to have children.

 

My other closest friend called for a catch up, which was really nice. However she is 22 weeks Along so it’s hard for me to not think about babies.   Ahh I wouldn’t say I am struggling more like I am just oddly emotional.

This cycle is number 11 since starting TTC , it has been a different even from my unusual cycles.

 

Lets start with AF it was as though clots were blocking the flow and so it would flow then stop flow then stop and so on lasting three days longer than normal. Ovulated earlier than ever before CD 15 that’s two days earlier than normal. Had a large follicle ripe and ready on cd15 earliest ever. So did trigger and first IUI, and progesterone supplements. Two weeks after pos ovulation test I test for pregnancy and neg, that’s actually very normal. Now AF is not here and not really looming that I can tell (abnormal). Well maybe it’s looming!

 

Oh I feel crazy.

 

i called the RE office to see what I need to do for consult and where I should be in my cycle. I have to get a referred and then I am good.  I will get prescription for fermera like normal.

 

All consumed must get my mind clear!

mrs. W.

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Emotional PCOS rollercoaster of life

The last two weeks where not all that great for me, between the fighting with my husband to our youngest fur baby lost for two days to today when I got a BFN and AF in the same day.

I haven’t posted much lately just because my mother always inforced in me that if you don’t have something positive to say why say anything at all? Well it’s just been a bit of a low time for me. I am truly thankful that nothing seriously bad has happened in my life, I am even more grateful our fur baby tut came home unharmed. We even had a nice half day at the lake where we both got a bit too much sun but the dogs had a blast swimming for the ball.

Starting about seven days ago I started to have mild cramps  which is very unusual for me. I have never had cramps other than cd1 of any cycle of my life. I knew this could be implantation cramps which is very normal. The cramps continued all week, they were never that bad. In fact I would be happy to have those cramps as my period cramps always. Besides the cramps I didn’t feel pregnant not that I would know what that feels like. I have been tired the last three days and food hasn’t been all that appealing.

Friday I had the interview with the recruiter, which was the worst interview of my life. To  quickly sum it up I was late because my navigator told me the wrong location even though left plenty early. So the interviewer had already judge me! It just got worse and worse she said she will check my references and get back to me! I beat myself up for a moment then told myself what is meant to be will be. There is another job outside my field that I got my eye and really excites me.

This is going to sound very liberal and maybe a little bit crazy but Right now I am trying to let life guid me, I am trying to be open to new avenues. I want not force my wants instead try and see if my direction of career should be in a new arena. Oprah said once that you have to be open to the whispers around you, and if you are lucky you will hear them when they are just soft whispers. Well I am open and I am listening for them.

Now back to reproduction talk, I tested last night and this morning both negative. Boo! Then this afternoon I started cramping worse and then stared spotting.  So I sent the dr a email to send in my script for clomid. It’s good that we already have a plan for this month. Clomid days 3-7, Then ultrasound cd16, if follicle is measuring 21cm I get a trigger shot! Excited to try again, sad to have to try again. Fingers crossed no more weight gain!

My plane is to talk with my husband tonight and have heart to heart, I love him and want him to be my partner in life and i need to let him know how i exactly I am needing his support.

A new moths is about to begin and anew cycle is starting a fresh beginning!

Cheers,

Mrs. W

Related articles

• I took clomid and having very bad cramps (johnathanmunn1.typepad.com)
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one big step for PCOS

I did it i was able to get an ovary to grow a egg suitable for release. That took about 8 months, so for eight months i worked hard to get to this point but now what? Is my body going to release the right hormones on its own now? Are my chin hairs going to get thicker? Oh PCOS you are very puzzling!

These are just a few random thoughts going through my head. The biggest is IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING, COULD IT BE TRUE? Did i do everything right? I didn’t loose all the weight i wanted too? Am i taking enough vitamins? lordy i am a full of questions. To no avail my trusty internet and web forums are not helping.

All my go to sites talk all about getting to ovulation but then what. What does someone with PCOS do now?

Metformin, i am still only up to 1000mg, and i am scared to up it in the two week wait but it may stress my body. I also took a few day break from the prenatal vitamins but i am back on track with them. My blood pressure has be high the last week and i am not sure how i am going to get it back under control. I have been really active so i thought it would have brought i back down but nope hasn’t. I  have been doing daily “meditation” really i am just focusing on my breathing and visualization which is what i consider my meditation. The meditation bring my blood pressure down very quickly, however it doesn’t have that long of a lasting effect.

I  always try and avoid the Diet conversation because it is truly my weakest point. while i feel overall i eat good i defiantly have bad weeks and good weeks. It feels like a never ending cycle of really good weeks then not so good weeks of eating out. We know we need to work on this area and we do try hard. the last three weeks while the hubby was off work has been a roller coaster of good and bad days. Today is not the exception great breakfast not so good lunch and great dinner planned.

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The big O really

Truth #5 (Photo credit: Selbe B)

Can it be true am I really ovulating? This morning my ovulation predictor was really close to having two equally pink lines…. Then at my CD16 follicle check there it was a “giant” (to me) follicle about a size 23.7. My face lit up when I saw it, it was my first. My utErus lining was great too. I am sure that this good news was how some people feel when they find out they are pregnant. I was elated it may be very possible that I can get pregnant this cycle, whoa. I am even having cramping on my right side. Today felt so good, finally good news for a nice positive change.

Still doing the positive thinking and visualization technique. Slight bad news is that I gained 3 pounds in 45 days.ahhhhh I was doing so well going down. I have heard of others gaining 10+ lbs on clomid, so I am positively spinning it that I did well.

If I get another positive the next two days it’s real I am really going to ovulate this cycle. Even better is that if I have a next cycle then I can do a trigger shot, if another cycle I get to do IUI. I love having a plan easies my anxiety.

To celibrate we DTD then we went rafting down the American river. My good friend her bump, her husband, my husband, and my niece all floated all day it was nice to soak up some rays.

I was thinking of taking mucinex to help get my juices flowing, I am not sure if I am going to do it yet? Any opinions?

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Positively going to conceive With Disney

Image via CrunchBase

 

I have been looking for things to help lower my stress and who knew Disney has a TTC website??

Check it out…

http://www.babyzone.com/getting-pregnant/how-to-get-pregnant/positive-preconception_67480

http://www.babyzone.com/getting-pregnant/ttc-month-by-month/complementary-alternative-medicine-fertility_67309-page-3

 

CD 5 on clomid and things are as bad as last month I take the pills at about 8pm which I believe is really helping. I have had some hot flashes and blurry vision but pretty calm otherwise. The calm is kinda strange it’s like i am medicate. I have done my visualization and positive thinking everyday which has been interestingly enough calming and helping keep my stress level down. 

Big test of stress control will be tomorrow when the whole family (my side of the family) are getting together for my dads birthday. He thinks it will be his last ahh drama queen! Well my sister will be there with all five of her kids which is usually a circus act, one is always mad/happy/sad/tired/distracted. I think I will try and stay out of it all and keep to my husband and self for the dinner.

I made my follicle ultrasound appointment today it’s for Cd16 because my cycles have been on the longer side, the dr wants to make sure she is measuring the follicle size accurately and ovulation prediction.

And the journey continues,

Mrs. W

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